Thursday, 29 October 2015

BRR Below Deck Recap S3:E2 Off the Radar

We left matching morons RockyRaquel and Emile up on the mast; about to be thoroughly chastised by Skinny Kenny Rogers:

I gather the antennas put off massive radio frequencies; Eddie thinks they wanted to be sterile. And I'm not saying that is a good idea or a bad idea. Just an idea. Emile is informed he will be fired next time and he blames it on the temptation that is RockyRaquel, who is inside complaining of not being able to do anything while the boat is moving. Sigh. SHE WORKS ON A BOAT. Perhaps these are things that should have been thought about before going to WORK ON A BOAT.

Kate don't want no explanations from lifelong high diver RockyRaquel, she wants a Bloody Mary. With clamato. Which technically makes it a Ceasar. #pedantproblems.

Oh! and that's because the charter guests are still there and THAT's why we didn't find out the tip last episode! I did hear from a little BeckyMae birdie that it was 12k, but I'm still gonna act surprised. I have to say how STOOPID I think it is that all the charter guests get trashed that hard on the boat. They're on this beautiful yacht in the Bahamas and they waste so much time seeing double and sleeping it off. I would sleep on one of the open decks and swim like a mofo in between mimosas. Day drinking > hangovers

PrimaryGuest Steve is hungover AF, which he worked really hard at the night before, so I hope he is proud of himself. Connie gets a text from her brother that her father had a heart attack and died, how awful. I mean. I know they happen, I just don't really expect them to be fatal any more, you know? Science. Sorry Con

Leon asks for a mid-fight review from Kate, who, as usual, saves all her pithy asides for interviewing. He's left his chin open in his vulnerability in wanting feedback, just a matter of time before StoneCold Katie knocks him on his arse.

The guests slowly make their way up for breakfast and yay! It's not too late in the day. Leon interviews about Paella and all of a sudden, I get sexay out of it! It's the eyebrows!

Oh. Connie is not telling anyone about her dad dying and that seems WEIRD, right until we hear he was an addict and a generally all-around father of the year candidate. I may seem hard on addicts (like Nikki from OITNB), but they are EXHAUSTING to be around, especially fambly members.

RockyRaquel gets left on a windy island with TotallyButchConnie, who I can now pick at because she isn't mourning her dad any longer, and RR chooses to spend the whole time bitching about Kate. I find it very hard to believe that Connie and Kate come from the same town, they are SO DIFFERENT, and that RockyRaquel is stupid enough to keep bitching about Kate long after Connie explains how close of friends her and Kate are. Le sigh.

This island picnic looks awful, tbh, big storm and heeeeeeyyy interviewing Leon. Hawt all of a sudden with those eyebrows and accent. PrimarySteve flirts with RockyRaquel, who made her own damn bed by crossing that professional line with guests.

Leon and Kate fight over supper and HONESTLY. Steve can't even feel his face right now, he doesn't care what's gonna go in his piehole between drinks!

Meathead is dealing with Eddie's Authorit-y over him with maturity and composure, jk, he's pretending to grind on Eddie while he's talking and generally being a moron. I can't understand why he hasn't been given more responsibility!! Emile confronts Meathead about his unprofessionalism and gets a facefull of testosteroni flexing in return.

The Mexican dinner party starts looking...tacky AF. I mean. The guy is a millionaire and he gets Dollarama pinatas and fake mustaches? Well, that oughta go well with the anHELLhair pasta coming up anyway. It's delish, of course. Mah boo Leon knows his shite. Culinaryboner back! He later talks about cleaning the bathroom says ''don't hate me for being organized'' and all other kinds of boners come into play. Dose eyebrows!

The crew eats (NOT anHELLpasta) and talk about who's single and not. Eddie gets flirted with by RockyRaquel; she's like a toddler with t*ts. Seriously, so immature. Connie finally spills about her fambly loss and she may be going home, because although she didn't have a relashie with her dad, she loves her brother. I get it. Emile does NOT get it and actually calls her out for not respecting the person who ''gave birth to her''. Can I get a 4th Grade Human Sexuality Course on set to go with Leon's globe, please? TY! It turns out that he has issues with his father, because of course he does. Honestly. If you are a dad and you are reading this, you are probably lost, for one thing, but really: just try, okay? That's all most moms do. We try. Most of the time I get it wrong, but I'm still in there, trying and mucking it up daily. That's all most kids want. The rest are spoiled brats and really, screw them if they want more than trying. SEE HOW THEY LIKE IT in a few years. Tangent!

The guests don't actually stay up that late, and yay that! Amy is great, she's so perky and good at deflecting. It's easy to minimize those cheerleaders, but they do good werk.

A guest tries to lure Eddie into the Master Stateroom for a menage a tres, and I do.not.getit. To each his own, though! BugEyedHughGrant is apparently adorable in person!

Meathead eats his raw egg brekkie *herk* while Kate and Leon gossip about each other to the rest of the crew. Kate asks for a transfer on a girl / girl room and is cooking up a fake Aerosmith? Involving Meathead? Whut? Again: MILLIONAIRES. Being entertained by Meathead in shredded garbage bags and eyeliner.

The boat is coming into a brand new shallow marina; let's see if they bang it up again! Some exciting music says mebbe, but...pfft fine. After all of Meathead's flexing and posturing about how much he knows about the boat, he messes it up.

Steve is STILL loaded, that is dedication. PLUS eating habanero peppers raw with his champagne. Good lord.

Captain Lee holds his Come to Jeebus meeting with the deck crew: Emile gets his knuckles rapped and Meathead gets his bow line shortened for almost taking a piling oot.

Charter Guests leave! And a big fat envelope handed to Skinny Kenny Rogers for dispersal. I wonder how much??!! 12k which comes to $1100 each, which Kate and Leon think is a little low...

Kate switches with Eddie and is back hanging with Meathead as the crew gets ready to hit shore for leave with all their moola. I feel like it has to be said: they look much better dressed in work clothes. The ladies play MFK about the male crew and agree with Amy: Leon DOES look like a up-against-the-wall-thrower. And a careful squeegier after. I dig.

Connie and RockyRaquel flirt with Emile and they are just so very different. I don't see Connie with Emile at all. I see Connie with Meathead; she reminds me of Gina Carana. Rocky tries to lure Emile into the hot tub on deck, but he knows better and Skinny Kenny Rogers is in his head telling him to not poop where he eats. So he does not. Good call Emile!

Kate runs RockyRaquel ragged and cracks me up when she says ''You are not ready for the list'' with complete solemnity. RR interviews that there isn't enough ''Aloha'' in Kate and seriously, getthefcukouttahere, she's your BOSS. Not your MOM. Do your JOB. And STFU. She doesn't of course, instead she cries in her bunk and HONESTLY. A toddler.

So. Whatdjathink??


  1. Dangnabbit. Now I need to start watching. These recaps are gold.

  2. God I miss our watches! That sounds awesome!