Friday, 30 October 2015

BRR Below Deck Recap S3:E3 Pretty Cheeks

I understand this is a Meathead episode! You remember Meathead!

Apparently he is going to follow some pretty cheeks overboard while...flipping us off? Lessee!
Blah blah RockyRaquel was crying in her bunk because Kate is a b-i-t-c-h, no, really, she spells it out for us and everything! For REALS. Connie's daddeh died and nobody is allowed on the mast, okay?? Up to speed!

Oh FFS moar RockyRaquel crying and whining to her dad: "I don't wanna live then!!" for the love of GAWD. Cheerleader Amy pumps RockyRaquel up and THIS is what enabling looks like, in case anyone was wondering.

We see who the next Charter Guests are and hey! It's Kate's CharterGuestSoulmate Dean of the RBF and penistowel! SOMEBODY likes to be on TV! Well, I guess most somebodies do, 'cept me, I have a countenance made for radio. And a great voice ;) Back to the OTHER famehewers; they want theme parties and schedule respect and I respect that. 8:30 on the dot, NotBen!

Kate has decided to go with a Greek theme, which means Toga! Toga! And very young men? Not sure yet. And RockyRaquel is debuting a mermaid's tail for the Greek themed party, which. Makes no sense. Unless she's a Siren, maybe? I don't know. I feel for Kate when she says "We're a two stewardess team" cuz all the work has to be done still and the same level of comfort for all these finicky rich guests, but RockyRaquel will be there flipping her tail. Le sigh

Bahamas water vignette; I LOVE looking at the ocean but there is stuff innit and I would like to watch from up here please. Where none of that stuff can touch me.

Connie interviews that sharing time and space with Emile has killed her ladyboner and hey! Meathead is available!

Meathead and Eddie have an uncomfortable meeting, but hey.  Maybe he's trying? RockyRaquel is making another run at Emile because she's bored and sigh. Young people. She shouldn't be bored,  however, she's supposed to be doing laundry and ironing everyone's uniforms. And of course does not. Kate is hilarious and mean interviewing about RRs supposed childhood but totes agree, RockyRaquel probably WAS the best waker-upper EVER!

And the guests arrive! Right on time, and the crew is ready. Even with everyone wearing everyone else's clothes due to RockyRaquel preferring to mess with Emile (it's French, NOT Emilio, Meathead) instead of her JOB.

Kate sums up Charter Guest expectations exactly: no surprises, just be perfect.  Yes, do THAT. She has folded the towel into a palm tree this time, which is just beautiful and yes, geographically appropriate. But I don't believe the nuts are at the bottom,  are they?  Odd

I saw cheese. I saw GOOD cheese. And now I must have some.  Lessee if Meathead can help the boat out of dock properly for once. And he does!  And then decides to not follow orders because of course he does.  Arrogance: not just for people with money any more.

Food!!!! Leon drools at the prospect of fresh fish for cooking and Kate complains. Not to his face, of course. It turns out that Kate is right, guests would much rather just have food brought to their entitled rich arses and not go hunting and gathering themselves. You know what would be really impressive, Leon? You do it! ! You go spear a conch and tenderize it "like a woman" and feed people, because it's your job to do at least some of that!

RockyRaquel whines some more about being stuck in the dungeon whilst all else bask in the sun and I find myself wanting to smack her through the screen. I don't think she's aware that she's not a guest.

The guests are jumping off the boat and wow. Apparently they don't know there are things in there THAT WILL TOUCH THEM. They're going fishing for some of those things, yay foraging! Connie is all up in that and it's proof of how much of a small-city slicker/narc I am concerned that they didn't get licenses or ask somebody if they could just eat random things they pull out of the ocean.

Leon the Bahamian yacht chef doesn't know how to get Bahamian conch out of the shell and Amy can't believe it! SticklerScheduleWatcherDean is not happy but he loves the conch that comes out...except it's not the conch they caught. Showdown in the kitchen: lie to guests, NOT each other! Leon gets to go lie to the guests in person, let's see how sweaty he gets. Eck

And we get Meatball's backstory; he got into extreme fitness when he was hit by a drunk driver on his Harley (of course he's the kind of guy that tells you a story with the make of his motorcycle featured) and he has a bit of a crush on RockyRaquel.

Primary GuestDean has taken a pantsless twist on Kate's planned black tie dinner; I only wish he was one tenth how hawt he thinks he is. Even a twentieth.

If an elf and a golem had a babeh
I do not need to see his wobbly junk up in HD. Food!!! More beautiful salads with green sauce, whose recipe is closely guarded by SmahtShortSightedLeon. Kate fakes it and is caught lying by the guests. More chicken and I'm TENSE. Dean is so hard to read and he loves to fcuk with people.  It entertains him. Like last season and telling Kate she had RBF and the whole penistowel thing.  Tense!!

Meathead and Eddie bro it out while Meaty gets creepy re:RockyRaquel.  I'm telling you, Connie is a great match for you! Connie also has two teeth that she can pop out at will, *herk*, moving on.

Oh! Leon is English! Not kiwi, not South African, but English. Huh. And worked on the Wal-Marts of the sea, which is what Kate calls cruise ships. That's not true at all, but the scale of cooking is very different.  Hmm

I am totally on TeamKate with RockyRaquel, she's having to do so much extra work because if RR even manages to do something, she doesn't listen and does it wrong and it's just that much more work. Plus all the other work that she isn't doing. That said: Kate bitches about EVERYONE (Cruise/YachtChefGate) and she just needs to calm down. Beyoncé.

RockyRaquel BENDS OVER IN THE KITCHEN and Leon admires the view, right before an overcomplicated flirting session between RE and Emile (it's French). Headbang headbang headbang.

The guests go jet skiing so RockyRaquel wants to go swim, Meathead creepily watches and strips off to jump in. This will not go well. Skinny Kenny Rogers finally uses old timey words!! "You have work to do. Stay on it until I tell you to get off it" woo hoo! Also, earlier he said that someone was "screwing the pooch" when it came to laundry and I feel like I'm back in 5th grade listening to uncles talk about trade work. Thank you for that, Captain Lee.

This leads to a Come to Jeebus meeting, Meathead stops by the kitchen to get read by Kate, good move but HUSTLE! Skinny Kenny Rogers isn't gonna wait all day for you! Meathead fcuks it up with his mouth, arguing WITH THE CAPTAIN. And wow. Meathead quits. Good on ya, stick to those meaty guns. He is not a good fit.

And we owt!


  1. i Dont watch this, but 2 of the females on the boat/aka yacht girls are from my general area, One of them is hispanic and the other might be the chief yacht girl?

    1. Oh! You mean the guests on the boat? Not the crew, right?