Wednesday, 28 October 2015

BRR Kingdom Recap: S1:E2 Glass Eye

We left the young, soft MMA fighter Nate presumably beat to death by gangbanger stereotypes who were mad at his daddeh:

Before: Sah pretty

But no! He's alive! And in the hospital with lots of head stitching while Alvey monologues at a therapist in the background. Alvey's fine, he's good, he just needs more drogas, kay?

Oop! My bad. That wasn't Jamie Goertz as the tragic hookah last epi! It was Joanna Going. I ALWAYS get those two mixed up. You can let Sandybrook know he can know now. That it wasn't JG anyway.

NekkidNateBro is sharpie-ing a dude's nipple in a bar because or course he is. Sigh. He wants to dart him like a white rhino. And does. Sigh. Junkies suck. Namaste

Ladies and Gentlemen: JunkieCrazie

Ryan finds his white rhino tearing up a room at the halfway house, it's quite the contrast between him and his roommate. One is all muscular, tattooed and shiny from the shower, the other is slapping himself in his pornstache.

Alvey continues training at Navy Street, but you can tell that his emotional bank account is overdrawn. Sad horns. Lisa, formely known as ChristmasSparkleShirt, pep talks and tries to hold the gym together.

Nate gets discharged to his daddeh, looking like hammered shite. Here's what I don't get; if those gangbangers were sending a message to Alvey, why didn't they SIGN THE LETTER? Nobody seems to know what's up and that's just poor communication.

Fighting montage! Taylor is getting kicked out for non-payment of fees, which I would really be more concerned about if I knew who Taylor was. Side note: Taylor is also a real MMA fighter, Chris Leben. I don't think they should be kicking out the ONE real MMA fighter in the gym...

Ryan is peeing for his PO again, in a cubicle. I pictured more privacy. He's sent for a job in Pest Control: find the pest, kill the pest. Got it. I think his PO is cruising him, we will see!

The white rhino from the bar brings his goodie bag to the gym; he works at the hospital and apparently has been skimming drugs. And is now injecting Alvey with steroids. Well, I guess since he's not actually fighting? Shady

Lisa makes a presentation to the Power Couple from epi one; while texting with ex-bf Ryan. Power Couple mentions Ryan, of course, and waves 20 large under Lisa's nose, who looks confused. I'm starting to wonder what Iron Maiden has in the ring. Here's what he has OUT of the ring:

Nate and his brother eat and bond; they really do not know by who and why he got jumped and that seems especially pointless. Leave the wobbling Madonna from the dash or something! Jeez

Lisa and Alvey discuss the gym offer and she drops the texting-with-my-ex bomb, which goes over like a lead balloon. But! Alvey really wants Ryan to fight for the gym, it seems, and he's willing to pretend to float Lisa's bagina into the mix.

Moar father / son sturm and drang as NateBro and Alvey mix it up in the octagon; it goes about as well as that sounds. Blah blah junkie promises blah posturing.

Alvey goes to visit Ryan, he REALLY wants him to fight. Hey Magic Hands, whatcha got? Safety note: empty swimming pool that goes to 10 foot deep with NO SAFETY TAPE?? Whut?? Alvey braces him pretty firmly, but no bite. Alvey is the hustle.

NateBro sizes up Nate's new train tracks on his melon and then steals his drugs. Like you do. MAKE GOOD CHOICES, NATEBRO! Nate decides to even that up by flushing the rest of his meds while music plays and Ryan cuts himself with a giant butcher knife. Just shallow hand cuts, he aight.

Nate crutches into the gym to applause; Alvey is creepy as HAYULL. Ryan pees in public again and HEY!! Remember his white rhino pornstache roommate that was losing his shite above?? It was over a lost teddy bear keychain and RYAN HAS IT!. Sonuva

Lisa confronts the Dealer White Rhino in the gym about selling to gym members while NateBro attempts to pass drug testing. Good luck with that! Oh actually, he's waiting to talk to a detective about his brother being jumped. Best line: I'm a patient individual with no gainful employment. I can wait!

Ryan gives the teddy bear keychain back and it's WEIRD.

NateBro gets himself arrested for smacking said detective and Lisa and Alvey fight about paying members of the gym vs non-paying pro fighters, bleh. Just as Ryan, who is their white whale, shows up. Hmm

How can she not like sweat if she co-owns a GYM?

And we owt!

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