Friday, 30 October 2015

BRR Kingdom Recap S1:E5 Eat Your Own Cooking

It's slowly picking up the pace, but STILL no twinkbaiting from NickJo. *pout* Patience, I hear!!


Alvey is talking about fcuksticks. Um. Is this the Bagina Monologues for Dewds? Or A Chorus Line? If he starts dancing, we'll know. He's talking about his mother in front of an audience and it's SO A CHORUS LINE. Or a dream about the massacre of the two gangbangers in his gym. Ick. Testosteroni must be so weird, gets all in your mouth and dreams and shite.

Nate's physiotherapist works on his mid-body muscle in the slowest, prettiest cowgirl ride ever. He looks totally not into it. Of course, he has yet to look as though he's into anything, so maybe the flat affect is throwing me. And lack of bewb groping.

Alvey has actually figured out why Nate was attacked, remembering the gangbangers he mixed it up with during his run, but Lisa is distracted because her father is in town and sprints mid-sentence.

Ryan and Keith eat at the halfway house where they discuss fambly day visits, nobody on Ryan's side is coming and I'm now wondering if he actually killed his dad. Keith has the best line so far: "my penis touched so many fruits that day"; apparently it was those slutty avocados that reported him and had him sent there. The teddy bear keychain has forgiven him. Keith is a fruit fcuker (Ryan "anyone can fcuk fruit! I put my dick on the table!" Keith: "That's what got me in trouble the last time...") but some day hopes to touch an actual female person.

Nate comes home to Jay's news about his fight, TOMORROW, and it turns out he has to move up in weight, not down. That is much harder to do than lose that much weight in two days. And it means that the other guy will be extry big. I fear for Jay while hoping for some kind of Slowing Switch activation button.

Lisa's Dad is in town and guess who it is?? No, really, guess!! BRUCE DAVISON!! I LOVE Bruce Davison!! V 4EVA!! Woo hoo!



Okay okay back to it, he gets some digs in about Alvey's age and never calls his daughter and has a boatload of money, but what really stands out for me is that Alvey has no intention of attending Jay's fight the following evening. His son Jay. Not going to his fight. Instead he's gonna go for drinks with Daddy Warbucks and I wonder what's up his sleeve?

Keith is sad that Ryan is leaving and I don't know if that means like leaving leaving or going to the gym. There will be a puzzle done in Ryan's short OR long absence regardless. Alvey meets with a promoter about the upcoming King Beast Fight for Ryan; he fights for photo approval and HONESTLY. Jay decided to take Ryan on in training while the photographer wanders around. Alvey grudgingly checks on his OTHER son, who has a broken hand. Or something. Anyway. He's hurt and he has a complicated plan wherein the shady promoter's insurance will cover his hurt hand. I just don't see this going Jay's way, but Lisa does!

Nate blows off Tatiana Trainer rudely, but really it's so he can watch his momma shake out the rest of the DTs while Jay trains. I don't think Nate is strong enough to deal with this. He'll let her out just so he can play video games in peace. *side eye*

Keith is building a puzzle while waiting for Ryan to come back and help him, his bully comes over and ruins it. That's a grown man. Wrecking a puzzle. Of another grown man.

Ryan is being followed by the photographer throughout his workout faaarrrrrr too closely; no bueno. He can't take the pressure and keeps falling down. Like you do. And also throwing up, which is captured on film.

One of the less pukey pics

Ryan loses it and throws the camera and Lisa forces him to back down. This will surely dissipate and he won't take it out on some random stranger. Ryan stomps back to his room to ask Keith why there is no whale puzzle put together and finds out about the bully. I think I know which random stranger is about to get his bell rung!

Alvey comes down and puts HIS dick on the table with the detective, identifying the gangbangers that he mixed it up with and starting that process. Nate has to testify, though, and I don't know if that is likely.

Ryan and Alvey trade comments about Lisa's dad and I'm reminded how WEIRD this sitch is. Lisa and Ryan were engaged and now he's fighting for her new bf, in their shared gym. WEIRD.

Jay's broken right hand is getting a Toradol injection while Lisa werks Bucky for the $700 Jay will get for the fight and I have a bad feeling. Also, HOW CAN ALVEY NOT BE THERE?? Instead, Alvey is getting drunky with Lisa's dad and this will go poorly.

Nate is getting high and decides to test the locks on his mom's door, who gets all walker-ish behind. We're back to Alvey drinking with crazy Ron while Jay gets beaten bloody in the octagon. He's fighting up a class with one hand. Blood was almost a given. Have I mentioned that I don't watch the fighting really? Well, between my fingers. Speaking of fingers! Lisa's dad takes Alvey to a strip club! Because THAT'S not weird either! Let's look at bewbs with the guy that is banging your little girl! SURE! BOUNDARIES, PEOPLE!!

All of this was to find out that Lisa put up the money for the gym, but has no legal stake in it, no name on the title, and her dad wants to make (boobs) sure that she (boobs) will be looked after should (boobs) they break up. Fairly quickly, her dad ends up getting kicked out pantsless in the champagne room.

Jay wins his fight but refuses to raise his hand in the octagon after. Because now it's extry broke? Or maybe because he wanted to catch Bucky? Nope. He just went home. To find a beer on ice with an encouraging note from Nate, who is gawn, baby, gawn. I thought he would let Christina out of the locked room, but it looks like he just bailed instead.

So if it wasn't weird enough that Lisa's ex-fiancé is training at her gym (she financed it!) against her will, Alvey actually asks Lisa to talk to Ryan to make it better and easier for him. WEIRD. At least Lisa and Alvey are finally throwing down again, they are so separate. She does go to see Ryan to talk about Fambly Day, so maybe she cares about both of them.

Nate blew it with his physiotherapist and I absolutely love how she handles it. All full of "I feel" and "this is what's gonna happen" and AWESOME. That is how it should go.

Ryan and Lisa's talk is interrupted by Keith literally putting his dick on the table, as directed, and here's the problem: Keith has a condition. He's either developmentally delayed or on the spectrum and either way: Ryan is not equipped to handle or counsel said individual. Once the peen is once more trapped in it's prison of denim, Lisa offers to call Ryan's mom for family day, so yeah, she still cares. And also knows about the hot, older lady riding the bologna pony in the bathroom. Hmmm

And we're out! What do you think?

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