Can I just talk about how hilarious I think it is that they keep talking about how Ryan is soooo out of shape and just soooo not ready and blah blah blah. I have eyes. Dude could NOT be more cut and he's a giant glittering glory in this gym full of random schlubs. But: dramah: WILL HE BE READY FOR KING BEAST??
|Sooooo out of shape|
We open with Oedipus bathing his mom, who looks tahred but no longer high while Alvey and Lisa boning is cut in throughout. Interesting is that Alvey is all heeeyyyy I wanna have meaningful eye contact while we reach that shiny mountain of glory together and a mostly dressed Lisa is all: nah, flip me over, I need to frown at the wall while you finish. Please. She thinking about Ryan!!
Keith and Ryan attempt to mend their relationship over powdered eggs; see, Keith seems fine but he's really not. He has a condition. He's not funny or odd. He is developmentally delayed or on the spectrum and has a baby bird in a nest penis. Or like a stack of buttons.
Alvey is sensing the distance and picks a fight over breakfast, which is mouth-itching (blueberries. Boyfriend fail) protein smoothies. Lisa bites and runs, heading out to see her former fiancé's parents. No way this will be uncomfortable!!
Jay loosens the leash and lets Christina go shopping with Nate, in a disguise, natch. She already has a disguise! She looks just like Jamie Goertz!
Hmmmm Alvey hasn't been taking his happy pills from the terropist, but the good news is that he IS injecting steroids, sooo....He tells Jay that they caught the bangers that messed up Nate but decides to save the news that it's because of his mixup with them for when they are drinking. Because everything gets better with drinking with an unstable jerk on top of missed happy pills and steroid injections!
At this point I feel as though I should re-watch the earlier episodes. I thought that Jay was an unstable drug addict given to monologuing with a bug-eyed stare and now it seems that he is actually just an unstable jerk given to nekkid monologuing and maybe I missed something.
Keith is a also a liar, on top of his baby bird nest junk, and I'm starting to be concerned that he has an unhealthy obsession with Ryan. And he won't get off Ryan's bed. He's starting to creep me out more than I feel sorry for him.
Ryan's daddeh has all kinds of wheelchair-looking safety equipment...how badly did he fcuk his dad up??
Jay and Alvey's odd bar talk goes on and on; Alvey is a bad father so Jay invites him over for supper, failing to mention that Alvey's wife will be there, as we found out last episode that he and Christina are still married. I'm not sure that Alvey owns up to being the reason for Nate's attack.
The visit with Ryan's mom is eeeerrrrie and there is a lot of scary looking medical equipment around but no dad, just ominous muted bleeping noises...
Christina pumps Nate for information about Tatiana and it's very awkward. Especially for me since I just read an article that says the fact that he's gay doesn't come out until the end of the season. Doo doo doooo.
Ahhhhhh Ryan's dad is a quadriplegic. Please tell me that he has some awful disease and alla that isn't just Ryan beating the shit out of his paterfamilias. It seems as though Ryan's dad may be of the religious type and it's not that the meeting goes poorly. It just goes. Ryan will not be having a relationship with his dad. Or his mother. Ah.
Speaking of mothers! Alvey shows up for his fambly dinner, finding slightly more fambly than expected. Guess what?? RYAN remembers exactly the kind of treats Lisa likes, unlike ALVEY, who didn't even know THIS MORNING that Lisa doesn't eat blueberries because they make her mouth itch. This show could not get their points across more clearly unless they held up little signs to the camera.
Alvey endures about 5 minutes of a uncomfortable meal before bailing and I'm of two minds on this: yes, it was a total dick move to not tell him his ex was going to be there but it wouldn't have killed him to be decent to her and hang for an hour, since he is dying for a relashie with his sons and all.
I think Ryan is going to wake up with Keith trying to hump his ear in the middle of the night; totally calling it! Lisa and Alvey gear up for another fight and they just seem...tense. Michael the bully comes into the kitchen, teasing Ryan about seeing his dad and sweet baby jeebus, KEITH STABS HIM. I did not expect that. Maybe a punch to the face, but a giant butcher knife to the chest??? Ryan cuts Keith a couple of times in preparation of a self defense claim and I really hope Keith gets some help. Really really.
And we owt! First time there's been a real bit of action or suspense on this show, and of course it happened in the kitchen. Pfft.