Wednesday, 25 November 2015

BRR Below Deck Recap S3:E14 Reunion Show Part 1

Now the everyone knowing what was up show!! Woo hoo!!

Crew makeup time for our yachties!! Andy starts with Captain Lee, then swings over to compliment greasy-haired Emile on his grandpa suit. No for real,  he took his grandpa's style. Kate is complimented on her lack of RBF and Connie is apparently unrecognizable with her tatas not covered in foodstuffs.

Personal hygiene alert: DO NOT PUT FOOD ON OR NEAR OR IN YOUR ORGANS / BABY MAKERS / FEEDERS / FUN BITS. Have allllllls the sex you want! Eat all you want!! Y U GOTTA MAKE IT GROSS BY SMEARING IT ALL 2GETHER??

Andy advises RockyRaquel that there will be no diving into the water escape hatch and then swings over to Mint-Green Eddie in a completely unplanned segue.

Quick question hits:

-best thing about being on a yacht: travel! Destinations!

-worst thing: being stuck with crew (RockyRaquel); constipation (Emile - that explains a LOT) having to tell your girl roommate to hit the deck early so you can make stucco in your bunk (Connie tattling on Emile). We get a little bonus *herk* when we actually get to WATCH Emile make bunk-stucco after his date with RockyRaquel where she tried to lure him into the hot tub. So.many.herkz.

When Kate is asked about her favourite guest, she says PunkAss (he calls HIMSELF that! !) and whatevs Kate. YUCK

Like a MoleMan version of Steve Carrell
Eddie loved Steve of the Moar Foam Bosun but probs just because Steve and Jennifer tried to gettim in bed.

Andy asks how hard it is to do the job with the film crew wandering around and we get a montage of crew messing with the filming crew. It just adds time! That's the exciting answer. I dug seeing cameramen and boom mikes everywhere!

RockyRaquel gets asked WHY she's always staring at the ceiling during interviews and she says they put sparkly butterflies. Or dolphins.  Up on the ceiling. Kate and I are OVER IT. Eddie says he's looking for butterflies and WHAM! "Hey Eddie, what's up? Wanna get into it? Is your girlfriend here? Can I meet her?" I told you this girl don't mess around!

Andy brings it back around to the Interior Crew, and asks Kate, Amy and RockyRaquel how it went. RR complains about Kate's management style and Skinny Kenny Rogers counters with all the help Amy gave her. Kate asks RockyRaquel for respect for asking her to do her job but. RockyRaquel isn't capable of respecting anyone else, that might take the focus off her for a second.

We get to read Kate's tweets while RockyRaquel glares in triumph! Woo hoo!!

- Rocky thinks her job is to be sexual with every male on board. There is a name for that job and it is not stewardess.

-I was so surprised when I found Rocky's mermaid tail. She doesn't seem like a girl that likes keeping her legs together.

Those are both funny but...also makes Kate look small, you know? She's so much better and funnier than calling Rocky a whore or a slut. Make fun of her complete self - absorption!  Stay away from the low hanging skank-fruit!

Eddie gets read for his personal problems affecting his job performance; Connie refuses to throw him under the deck and calls him a fantastic teacher.

Emile testifies to how hard it is to be sahhh pretty while Andy cries big purple tears for him. Andy offers to hit him in the face and he means with the cack, right? Emile thinks he put in extra hours to make up for people underestimating him but cannot explain calling Connie a whore.

If I may interject: I hate it when people use "whore" as a pejorative.  I know sex workers. I know dancers. It's work and it's NOT for everyone to schmear their shitty morals all over. PLUS. People never use it to describe ACTUAL sex workers, just those that are free with the bagina, which is the opposite of whoring. Slut is something else entirely, people!  And THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT EITHER!

Also: how come it's okay that Connie called Emile a little bitch but not okay that he came back at her with whore?

And  I'm done. Thanks for your patience!

Emile talks about coming from South Africa and the socioeconomic issues there and Captain Lee stands up for him and I'm glad for that. Since we haven't talked to or about RockyRaquel for a whole 2 minutes, he gets asked about being lured up onto the mast by her and he waxes poetic about her mysterious ass. Listen, there was nothing mysterious about that arse, I saw it so often I'm positive I could pick it out of a line up.

Rocky's raw crew meal comes up and hey, the cooked bits were good, and the salad!  A chef from the audience calls bullshite on pouring grenadine on the oysters, Rocky don't curr.

Kate calls out Andy for letting RockyRaquel speak so much and wow. It comes up that Rocky is still Stew-ing. With Alex from Season 1, who I don't know.

Emile's prison eating is called into question by the audience and he calls is peasant eating. He also gets called on the carpet for his tutorial on How Not To Date; drinking, saying creepy things, making her dive overboard to get away. RockyRaquel (because this is apparently the RockyRaquel Show) is excoriated for leading him on. Captain Lee uses old timey words!! "When you get caught with your tit in a wringer, it's because you put it there. Step up to the plate." Hahahahahahha! I will say that I think RockyRaquel leaned heavily on Emile for friendship and emotional support;  she just thinks that since she told him they were just friendsies, she's off the hook. Even though all her actions said otherwise. Tit in a wringer indeed.

And now it's time for Meathead! He looks good! Still doesn't understand that he was a deckhand. Emile gets his shade on but Don burns him for Rocky. I agree with Don's decision to quit and I really dig. He doesn't,  he apologizes for leaving them in the lurch and he hugs everyone goodbye. Good talk!

Remember Don's replacement Dane from North Carolina?  After he left in such a spectacularly bad fashion, he refused to have anything to do with Bravo or the reunion or anything.  Dane was the tensest and most unrelaxed surfer EVER so I guess that really isn't a surprise.

Kate and Leon's relationship is reviewed and I hope Leon comes oot!  Andy calls Kate out for the whole Wal-Mart of the Seas shenanigans AND Leon's not being Ben-ness and boooooo Leon didn't want to come either! What's the deal, Andy?? You planning to just give us 2 hours of that fcuking RockyRaquel and call that a reunion? ? ARE YOU? ?

RockyRaquel speaks for Leon and Amy calls her out for trash talking his food throughout his short time on the boat. Andy asks Kate what I wondered; who cares if he served Beef Cheeks every single charter? The guests loved it every time! Kate thinks it's symptomatic of not having any imagination and a basic inability to roll with the punches. Emile also says he's in contact with Leon, who is much happier on a big boat. Really big boat, adds rolling with the punches Teamworking Kate.

Captain Lee jumps all OVER RockyRaquel for her Leon support and he is ANGRY. The fire comes up he gets even MADDER. RockyRaquel says she found Kate's mug full of wine and that Eddie helped Kate out by pouring it oot. Eddie doesn't remember. I WANT TO KNOW!  WAS KATE DRINKING? ? I didn't even know that was a legit complaint, I thought Leon was just throwing mud to see what stuck!

Next week we get to allllls the secks; Kate and Ben, Eddie and Rocky, Skinny Kenny Rogers and his wife, I think that's it, right? We already covered Emile and his relashie with the twins.

See you next week!


  1. What about applesauce? Is applesauce ok?

    HOLD UP! They actually showed Emile stuccoing the ceiling?!!!?

    Not stewardess..... hostess?

    Low hanging skank-fruit? Does that rhyme with mabia?

    Butt line-up. "Turn left. Turn right. Twerk it up."

    Does anybody still use a wringer? I remember my grandmother using one on the farm.

    Agree with the beef cheeks. Served to different charters. If you have a signature dish that people like, stick with it. Better than going out on a limb during a charter and pissing people off.

    Oooooo. Secks. I am down with that.

    1. Applesauce is not okay

      They showed Emile stuccoing the side of his bunk? And then he totally said that's what he was doing

      I absolutely pictured RockyRaquel's tit in a wringer and it was glorious