Monday, 2 November 2015

BRR Below Deck Recap S3:E4 I Don't Date, I Mate

That title sounds kinda uncomfortable, let's see who has that line! Also I think RockyRaquel does her mermaid bit.

We were at ElfGolemBabehDean at his BlackTie Ginch party and a bored and stressed Kate blowing everything up into a drama, it looks like two episodes per set of guests and ehhhh. I prefer to find out the tip EVERY episode, nawimsaying? On we go!

We were also at Meathead quitting and storming off, I kind of respect his game. If he believes that strongly that he isn't a good fit, then good for him. Go with Bob.

So; Kate brought on two peeps, one is leaving and one lost a fambly member. Dean's guests make fun of him and if Sandybrook is right, that's because they're all paid companions. When you go super high end for escorting, you get wicket smaht too. And sarcastic AF, if you're lucky.

Emile and Connie do a great job picking up the Meathead slack, while Rocky plays ohmigodletstalkaboutBOYS with Amy and when she calls Emile (it's French!) "so young and immature" I roll my eyes so hard I hurt myself. And then moves onto Eddie. Sigh

Dean is a DanceMonkeyDance type of guest; he's been on a lot of boats and he wants a little something extra with his charter: staff humiliation. He's offered a $500 prize for a diving competition between his "friends" and the crew; I bet he's the type of john that likes to make his companions pick up their pay with their buttcheeks. But only if they went to Harvard.

Amy actually says Dance Monkey Dance and I lurve her for that. But that is exactly it. Anyway, isn't RockyRaquel a pro diver? Junior Olympic, yes! She's got this in the bag.

Eddie is gonna be a Mexican stereotype (cultural sensitivity FTW!), Connie is wearing a badass shark swimsuit and a tutu, Leon is owt and RockyRaquel goes pink. Kate is Gumby, Amy is TeamDean. Sure.

I like Connie's dive, all twirly, but Kate basically falls off. Emile jumps with a giant foam weiner. Hey! How does Captain Lee know what a Dirty Sanchez is?? RockyRaquel does a great dive and should prolly win. There will be an awards ceremony because of course there will.

For whatever reason, they're calling the bar Nippers. Um? There's a Greek Toga Party tonight! RockyRaquel have a cuddle in the top bunk and I just don't see how there's room for any fun. Plus I'm claustrophobic.

Kate thinks her and Dean share a brain and I would think that would require therapy? I can't believe that Dean is happy with a cardboard lightning bolt...

Kate thinks Emile (it's French!) is dumb as a rock but chiseled and shit, so she ropes him into being Adonis.

RockyRaquel wins the diving competition, acourse, and Kate stalls while MermaidRocky swims over and hey, I think Dean is eyeing her up as a rookie yacht girl.

Leon serves a deconstructed Greek salad and I LOVE the food. Beef Cheeks doesn't really seem Greek. Nor does the Creme Brulee *herk* in a martini glass, but everyone digs it.

Eddie apparently forgot to call his girlfriend (OTHER Amy) of three years; foreshadowing! Everyone does NOT miss Meathead and I'm wondering if it will be same when Rocky leaves. Because she will be leaving. Amy takes the time to explain absolutely everything RockyRaquel could ever need to know about making a bed and cleaning up a stateroom; RR blows it off. HONESTLY.

The docking didn't go as well as planned, looks like Meathead was needed after all. Big mistake in sucking up the tow line and it's Eddie's mistake at the end of the day.

I LOVE Kate giving the Greek Mythology rundown of the crew:

Captain Lee is Poseidon, course
Emile is a minotaur, ehhh
Amy is Dionysus, goddess of wine and cheer, so apt!
RockyRaquel is Narcissus
Leon is Cyclops, only sees things one way
Eddie is Atlas, with the world on his shoulders
Kate is Athena, goddess of war

And they STILL dock well. Now that they have the tow line off, anyway. Off goes Dean, lessee tip!! C'MON!! Lemme see the tip!!! Imma guess 20k

Woo hoo!!! I called it! 20k!! Yay! 2k each, now that Meathead is gone. Apparently Bahamian money is one for one and I would not have guessed that.

French-named Emile asks Skinny Kenny Rogers if he can go on a date with RockyRaquel and it's kind of sweet. Emile is adorable but RockyRaquel is just playin. Emile thinks that dating is for old people, but recognises that RockyRaquel is alllllls about being courted, so he's stepping it up. Everyone is rooting for this boat romance and I'm guessing they've never been in the wake of a boat breakup.

Speaking of breakups! Eddie is shouting at OtherAmy and oh! She cheated on him! Sounds like he is taking the unfortunate route of staying with her, but berating her for it every chance he gets. AWESOMENESS. "You take out the garbage, because YOU CHEATED!!!" repeat as necessary.

RockyRaquel the vicious dolphin tiger and Emile flirt over supper and honestly, just cut to the boning then stringing along and then inevitable dumping. And get back to Leon's food!

I seriously have seen enough of RockyRaquel's pretty butt cheeks that I feel confident that I could pick her arse out of a lineup. I have to wonder if her swimsuits are actually cut that high or if she's giving herself a massive wedgie every.single.time.

A very drunk Emile tries for a kiss and RockyRaquel just plays around and honestly. Leon's food? Ahhhh RR figures out that Emile is just too young, however adorable he appears, given that he figures getting schwasted on a date is the way to go.

Next time we have a new long-haired deckhand, he kind of looks like Harry Styles with super long hair. VERONICA, DID YOU HEAR THAT?

We owt!


  1. Awesome recap (except for the shade on creme brulee)

    Really need to start watching

    1. Ty Charlie! I just can't take the cold wobbly custard. *herk*