Tuesday, 3 November 2015

BRR Below Deck Recap S3:E8 Boom Boom In The Laundry Room

I think I know where this is going!! And it's really not a good idea, Eddie. HughGrantHair aside, I'm really not seeing the appeal:


And he sends creepy texts. Anyway!
Remember they're going to a daycation at a resort today! And I betcha Dane will be hungover AF. He's sucking back the water in bed, I bet this isn't his first rodeo!

Off they head and man. Kate is TEENY. Amy says she's a maid, but is okay with it, because of the perks.  Like a maid at a FANCY hotel. Floating. They meet THEIR maids and they are in the Bahamas, sooo

The girls gossip about drunk and belligerent Dane; whatever dudes. If you were actually worried, you woulda woken someone up. Kate slaps on the RBF and sits alone; which she calls Operation Avoiding Leon and I call Kate Has No Friends.

Since they're on the water, they decide to surf and there's RockyRaquel's bum again! I'd know it anywhere! Connie used to surf competitively and wow, I didn't really think those two words went together.

Dane's still drinking, woot!  I admire his dedication to liver destruction, because it is absolute(Absolut?), but he's being a dick to the staff and throwing around mentions of his hundos like an ahole.

Amy interrupts Kate's alone time to complain that she feels "put in the middle" of Leon and Kate's fighting and Kate is at first offended that Amy feels that she is in the middle, and then finally just annoyed that Amy isn't totes TeamKate. Friendship is hard, yo!

Dane continues drinking through dinner and the girls and boys start swinging around the conveniently located stripper pole. Dane is drunkologuing and errybody just waits for the inevitable nod-off. Connie sends Emile in after Rocky and COME ON! That's not Girl Code! Rocky finally got it through to this moron minotaur that she isn't interested and Connie is encouraging him? She's clearly a WingMan.

The girls sneak past DrunkDane, who has a lot of anger. LOT of anger. This is the tensest surfer EVER. Eddie calls Captain Lee, who sends a tender for Dane.  Dane interviews about how "DICULOUS" it is to be lectured about drinking. I don't see that flying with good old Nod and Smile Captain Lee. And Dane is fired summarily and we finally get to see one of those fabled plane tickets! By the way, sorry Emile,  wasn't you getting canned after all. You know, yet. Kate gets a dig in about keeping a respectful tone with each other and we all stare at Leon.

Speaking of! Kate decides this is the time for her to respond to Leon's attack and I'm telling you, she really has no idea how she offends. Actually, no, I think she does know. Asking him to stop cleaning so he can listen to her, because it is important to her, would sound collaborative in someone else's mouth, maybe. In KateSpeak, it sounds like condescension. As does everything.  It goes about as well as that sounds like; ending with Leon acting like a truculent 4 year old. I KNOW. RockyRaquel dances in the background, I forgot that she hates Kate!

Eddie, Kate and Leon meet up in the wheelhouse to go over the paperwork on the next group of charter guests; the only thing more ridiculous than a guest who calls HIMSELF "Punkass" is the way Leon and Kate are acting. Turns out the guest owns  TapOut wear, the MMA gear company so. Yeah. Will be interesting. Leon gets notified several times about the guests specific healthy needs, which will be tricky for most chefs, let alone ol Beef Cheeks there. I hope this is foreshadowing!

Moar creepy texts from Eddie to RockyRaquel!  To be fair, we don't know if she's sending him anything first. I mean. But "Yo girl! I'm pretty stressed out right now...U???" Is both corny ANY eye-rolly when it comes to flirting. Ick! They fcuk in the laundry room! EDDIE! ROCKYRAQUEL!! I don't know who to be more disappoint in!!

Charter day! Eddie and Rocky flirt and ah well. Young people.  Sure. The guests all look very tattooed and in shape. And young. All the girls moon over tattoo-neck Primary Charter guest Dan and I bet if he was just some schlub with neck tats and a hoodie they wouldn't be waxing quite so much poetic about his piercing eyes and quiet strength.  Monay! I think he ugly.


And it doesn't have anything to do with his exciting neck.

Buddy doesn't care about your huge jacuzzi, he wants to know where the weights at and wants his protein shakes. Guess who didn't order protein shakes?? Anyone? Anyone? At this point I feel I HAVE to interject. I don't know ANYONE serious about that type of fitness that doesn't carry their own. Each type of protein powder has  different amino acid profile and blah blah I'm just saying. People carry their own or they clearly will ask for a specific brand. Anyway! Leon has pre-mixed Ensure or some shite and they're gonna go with egg whites instead. They also don't want any oil or butter used while cooking their food and really: stay home, guys. Order in from Swiss Chalet.

The guests are going lobster diving, but first they have to wait for the Primary's girlfriend to finish STRAIGHTENING HER HAIR. I'll just let that settle in and then I'll go over the fact that she misted herself with a surely vanilla-scented body spray. Again, this is to go lobster diving. Like, in the water. She has a bangin bod, though.  I bet she's a blast to hang out with, three hours later.

More no communication from Leon when Kate asks him questions point blank about meals for the guests; and there's Skinny Kenny Rogers lurking in the doorway, frowning and thinking old timey thoughts. Leon does talk to RockyRaquel around Kate, though, soooo showing just how unprofessional he can be.

The guests dress for dinner, and eep. The Primary's gf...anyway! Scallops! Hell's Kitchen and Gordon Ramsay have taught me that these are IMPOSSIBLE to cook under stress.  Good things these guys aren't picky eaters.

Turns out nobody likes scallops and they want chicken quesadillas. Hey! Not all people with money like fancy food! Just cook them what they want!

Eddie is showering the deck crew with compliments and Emile is really 'cited because he doesn't know that the reason Eddie is in such a good mood is that he bounced on Emile's imaginary girlfriend.

The Primary calls Leon to the table, but it's not for kudos as usual. They want to make sure he doesn't feed them any more of those crappy scallops. Or prawns. Just moar Taco Bell woo hoo! Head for the border! I have to call BS again. Quesadillas are full of, well, cheese, and that is a metric tonne of calories. And white tortilla shells mean no self-respecting fussy fitness training picky eater would order that on purpose. Chicken breast, brown rice and vegetables!  Done! These people are confusing me.

The Primary's girlfriend, who I shall dub High Maintenance, has requested a romantic deal for her and Dan, including a dinner and a massage and yeah. Chicken, brown rice and vegetables! There is a trail of rose petals leading to a couples massage and they have a lovely time. With all of us watching. Not creepy at all.

Amy has a pretty good conversation with Leon about how he should be blowing the guests away and stepping up his game and I think he even listens. He isn't getting any positive feedback from anyone, though,  and decides to freeze Amy out too. Kate is happy, now there are TWO on TeamKate!

RockyRaquel offers to mermaid it up and Kate agrees  because I don't think anybody knows what to do with these guests. Personally, I think the mermaid bit works better with older people, but we'll see! Eddie and RockyRaquel flirt some more and I can tell. He is worrrrriiiiiedddd that he made a big mistake. And he totes did. She crazy.

Oh finally, Leon gets a big thank you for the great dinner and I am legit happy for him. The mermaid goes over well, but again, mostly with the older folks. The guests go to bed early, which is a nice change.  High Maintenance works out on the deck in a 10k bikini and her hurr done; Dan the Man takes selfies with her and a wad of cash. Keeping it klassy with TapOut.

Everyone waits for High Maintenance to be ready and wow. I bet that gets old fast. The tip doesn't come discreetly in a sealed white envelope but in a rubber band stack, gangsta style. I love that Dan calls himself New Money so he gets one point from me. Which now makes him even. Lessee how much it was!

Captain Lee gives a pep talk before doling out the tip, which is 15k. Ehhh. Pretty good. The girls decide to have fun together, there are extensions that High Maintenance left behind gracing Connie's bagina, but RockyRaquel wants to scratch that laundry itch with Eddie, who is just notttttt feeling it.

Connie screws up a bubble bath, which is a new level of incompetence. Eddie caves and heads to laundry where he is assured that it is just for an in and oit (she really says that!) and hey! Where's Emile, anyway? I can't tell if he's in his bunk or not!

And we're out! What do you think? Leon on a downturn and Eddie made a big mistake?  Those are my guesses anyway.

31 comments:

  1. "Boom boom boom. Let's go back to laundry room"

    I feel partially bad for Leon. Sounds like there are a lot of food demands that he has no control over vis-à-vis available ingredients. Of course, I haven't actually had to listen to his whiney ass, so....

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    1. He is somewhat limited for ingredients, but part of the problem is that he acts as though he ISN'T, and can just grab stuff last minute instead of stocking possibles

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  2. I hope there was no clean laundry in there. Nothing worse than having to rewash. Disinfectant, STAT!

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    1. Starch spray EVERYWHERE! They kept cutting to the suds in the washer at the critical moments

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    2. He needed starch? That's not a good sign . . .

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    3. Please tell me they aren't making you guys stare at doughnuts tonight?

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    4. Oh man. This is going to suck for watches. Let me check the help forun again.

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    5. I thought it might just be my laptop, but it's my phone too now

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    6. I posted in the help forum, will let you guys know as soon as I know anything!

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    7. Suds in the washer? Just great. Now I will be thinking wet, sticky symbolism every time I do laundry now.

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    8. And THAT makes me think of Dan Savage and what he calls Santorum. THANKS

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    9. Why did you not warn me before I looked that up.

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    10. Oh I thought the big sarcastic THANKS was warning, my bad! It sticks in your brain after, right?

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    11. He's not a big Rick Santorum fan

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    12. I have no idea who any of these people are. And had no idea that would be so disgusting. Fcuk a duck.

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    13. Dan Savage is a very political sex columnist, he was JUST on RuPaul's Drag Race; Rick Santorum is a politician opposed to gay marriage? Or just gay in general?

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    14. You started it with your frothy stuff!

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    15. I know! I know! Brought it upon myself

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  3. Okay guys, check out the links on the Kingdom recap; that's help from the forum.

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  4. I can't wait gorbyall to catch up. Watching the new ep right now!

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    1. For y'all gorbyall potato potahto

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    2. Bravo hates Canada, they're just showing epi 4 right now I think, so I've been doing in through downloads!

      Will be recapping Vanderpump Rules starting tomorrow! We're a day behind

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    3. I may start using gorbyall. See if we can make it an internet "thing". I will totally give you full credit down the road, J.... as long as it doesn't cost me fame and fortune.

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    4. Do you get Apres Ski? Can't wait for the VR recap, I caught it last night. Those people are insaaane!

      I think I'll let you take over credit for gorbyall, Charlie. It sounds like an underwater gargle

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    6. Vanderpump Rules recap up!

      Definitely looking at Apres Ski, Becks will be taking over VR recaps next week!

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