Wednesday, 4 November 2015

BRR Below Deck Recap S3:E9 Fire!

Now the kitchen fire! Lots of concerned looking stews doing this

In the promos and we haven't seen Ben yet, so! Lessee!
You know, the promos also remind me how pretty Kate looks when she smiles, but I kind of like the Disapproving Nanny look she rocks most of the time

It's morning!  RockyRaquel has straightened her hurr and Eddie cannot come anywhere near her without her turning into Jim Carrey. Before he got deliciously dark. How Eddie could EVER think that woman could be discreet... hope the juice was worth the squeeze, Eds!

New Charter Guests meeting with Kate, Eddie, Leon and Captain Lee! And one looks like Ryan Gosling? Meh. Leon is supposed to use his imagination and I can practically smell the imaginary beef cheeks right now!

These guests want a Shark Dive, as it is on their Bucket List and am I the only one that thinks Bucket Lists are bullshit? Total bs. That movie was not awesome and the concept irritates the poop out of me. Anyway! A local dive company will come do that and the fact that they can even DO that is why I don't get in the ocean. Stuff in there.  With teeth.

As an aside, Connie and RockyRaquel are doing so well; they've really picked up from where they were at the beginning of charter season, yay!

Lotsa hawt boys coming on board, not just AlmostRyanGosling, the stews call dibs. At least they don't have to sell it as much as they tried with ol Punkass (he calls HIMSELF that! On PURPOSE) from TapOut. The guests arrive to drooling Stews and it must be said: Alan Sr. Looks like a wee giant ahole. Cheeseballhedgefundahole. That was brought to you courtesy of SnapJudgementsRUs! AlmostRyanGosling = meh. I mean, he has a popped collar!

They pull out of dock without issue and I think the reason that they don't mind being a person short, which they perpetually seem to be, is that they get used to splitting the tip 10 ways and find ways to make it work.

The Primary's (MUCH MUCH YOUNGER) girlfriend is trying to plan a good 50th birthday party for Alan Sr. and apparently he's never had a birthday cake. Kate is sad that his first one with be cooked by "Leon. And his sous chef Betty Crocker" and hahahahaha but really, baking is science and chefs aren't bakers and usually, okay, sometimes, never the twain shall meet. I do hope Leon brought a FANCY cake mix at least.

Captain Lee has to tell the the guests that poor visibility has canceled their planned Shark Dive and they actually take it pretty well. Kate has a wacky idea of having Connie dress up in her shark one-piece and a cardboard teeth and yeah. Kate finds the one box Leon absolutely cannot live without and honestly. Like a preschool throwdown.

Connie gets to drop anchor for the first time and she's kind of awesome! Sister stepping it up! Speaking of. Emile tells Leon he spent the entire night watching pron and relieved himself a record-breaking 6 times. Dude! TMI! Also, you're on the top bunk! So I'm guessing the stucco got a refresh? You are so very welcome for that visual.

Connie and Kate finally realise that cardboard shark teeth are tacky looking; Connie calls them "ghetto", which makes she hasn't spent a lot of time in ghettos (me either, mostly trailer parks) and is mistaking cheap for something with racial overtones.

Amy and Eddie gossip about the crew and it moves on to Eddie and his relashie with OtherAmy and I thought he broke up with her, cuz that's what we eavesdropped on the phone, but apparently not, which means they will soon be both TAKING OUT THE GARBAGE.

Heeey, I actually think AlmostRyanGosling looks like TinyDancerLevine, Reno! Lemme see if I can find a screengrab

Hard to see in this one; trust me!

The guests want quesadillas and Leon is resting his bare melon (at 6:20 pm yet!), so he directs Rocky to push it out. Now, as Amy has noted, even TacoBell can push them out in a minute 45, but he kind of IS the chef, right? Oh and ICK. MOTHERFCUKER. SHE PUTS HER THUMB IN HER MOUTH WHILE PREPARING FOOD FOR GUESTS. GET HER OFF THE BOAT, I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT HER!

Oh man oh man. I just need a minute. Brb. Okay. I stared at the wall until I got my breathing under control, let's do this. Skinny Kenny Rogers is pisssseedddd that RockyRaquel is doing the cooking (that I totally didn't watch). I have to say too, how can they not have cheddar in the galley?? Leon rolls his bald butt into the kitchen and is told about the Mad Captain (hey! That should be a musical!  RockyRaquel, get on that! And stay away from food service forever.  Pleez)

The single yachties ask Rico Suave Emile (it's French, not Spanish, jeez) about the ladies on the boat and he very professionally complains that none of them put out. Especially RockyRaquel.  Hoo boy. I sense that he will take these laundry shenanigans personally.

Eddie tells his crew to stay out of the dramz with Kate and Leon, but Emile, at 22, is completely unable to make that choice. He sees it as sticking up for his friends, which is something that is important,  sure, but nobody is in the right in this particular dramz and everyone should just drop it. I do agree with Emile's feeling that Kate is like a Negativity Virus, infecting the entire boat, but you absolutely cannot overlook Leon's pissy contributions. Girlfriend.

Leon's plates look great but honestly, Kate, shut it. Nobody needs your passive aggressive needling while trying to run a service.  RockyRaquel encourages Leon and ooh gurl, don't do that.  Leon decides to get stupid on the radio and Skinny Kenny Rogers is on that like a police scanner and decides to come down and monitor personally. He literally leans on the counter exactly where Leon is prepping his Beef Cheeks (for real! Beef Cheeks AGAIN!) and of course now Kate isn't being an ahole.

The guests LOVE the food and Kate complains. The girls gossip about it and the whole boat is wrapped right up in this DRAMUH. RockyRaquel is working late service and of course, she spends the whole time flirting and dancing with the dudes while Amy comes in behind to clean up after the guests.

Amy Skypes with her brother BigDickKelley!! Woot! He looks skinny.

Eddie and RockyRaquel relieve some more stress in laundry and man. She is having a bit of a breakdown right now because she thinks she's trying really hard and...It's like when I walk on a treadmill. I think I am FLYING but when I saw myself in the mirror while traveling;  I look like I'm Sunday Strolling. And slack-ass Rocky is Sunday Strolling her way to everyone's disappointment.

Kate is drooling over AlmostRyanGosling,  who wears python shoes and could not be any douchier unless he smelled of vinegar and water, but finally admits he is NO Ryan Gosling.  I told you that! He's Adam Levine!

Kate and Leon playfight in the kitchen and we're ALL over it. Kate decides to write a meal ticket for Leon, like in a diner. Eehhhh

The guests leave and RockyRaquel and Amy throw down. RockyRaquel stares at the ceiling and cries, like in interviews,  and doesn't listen to word one from Amy. Leon and Rocky pump each other up in the galley and eehhhh.

Leon brings the primary's girlfriend in for a consult and informs her of the menu for dinner, which includes rabbit. Turns out her family ATE HER PET BUNNY but Leon decides to go ahead anyway. Sure. Kate openly mocks the meal and honestly.  I've been to some (okay three) very high end restaurants and rabbit is absolutely on the menu.  I hope this rabbit is amazing and not too PTSD-ish for the guests.

Awwww primary charter guest Alan Sr., who I summarily judged above, makes me cry with his sincerity and appreciation for his family being with him and putting all this effort in. He's so honestly happy.

RockyRaquel flirts inappropriately with the guests because of course she does. She's very young, you know, no worries.  Just not very professional. He doesn't seem to mind her buttering his banana. A loose job even.

Kate destroys the microwave with popcorn and the oven with a completely charred pizza. Kate put a bunch of food in the ovens and microwave and walked away. The guests know. My goodness.

And so! It looks like RockyRaquel and Leon get canned next episode, but I've been fooled before!  There is no way Captain Lee will choose Leon over Kate, who Nods and Smiles in front of him just perfectly. Regardless of Leon's on-point eyebrow game.

We owt!

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