Sunday, 8 November 2015

BRR Project Runway Recap S14:E03 Shut Up And Sew

Last week (hour? Epi?) Edmond proved his work is not always the antithesis of joy, and can be downright breathtaking

While David Giampiccolo just showed that he misunderstood the unconventional materials challenge by using only conventional materials. Thankfully he packed light, by NOT BRINGING ANY TOOLS.

I just now realised that HotDamn is printed all over David's dress. Huh. Anyway! We open at a big ship! PleasebeBelowDeckcrossover PleasebeBelowDeckcrossover. ..oh bigger yet. It's a mini city with 10 restaurants and I am reminded of Kate's Wal-Mart of the Sea reference for Cruise ships. Do not agree!

Tim is there with a Celebrity Cruise Suit to shill for Celebrity Cruise Lines and now they get to work in groups! Yay! I can't WAIT to see who gets stuck with Edmond and his non sharing arse!

Amanda looks particularly horrified and I'm pretty sure ol Manatee Penis Merline doesn't wanna be your partner any more than you want to be hers.

The challenge is one high end day to night look blah blah complicated back story blah blah Celebrity Cruise blah blah and the Bag of Destiny comes out! It's always the same button bag!

Amanda gets Gabrielle and yay TeamWASP! They choose South of France as their inspiration. Ashley gets paired with Candice and their esthetics will go well together,  they figure,  and they go with Venice. Go TeamRetro!

Lindsey gets Jake and huh, that's not bad, I guess? I have no real sense of either of them as designers yet. Jake/Jack lets Lindsey choose the destination, Hong Kong, and it just happens to be where he trained. Yay TeamBigGlasses!

Swappy and Laurie form TeamPretty going to India and that's too easy. C'mon!! Me and Tim are skeptical.

JocKelly and Blake are teamed up and I guess since they both went after the same cards, that might work? I shall call them TeamFabulous after said cards, and they're doing the ho stroll in the Greek Isles.

Edmond gets Yang and those styles could NOT be more different. Traditionally feminine and pretty/sexy with boxy concept pieces.  I wish you luck in the Caribbean! TeamWhut hasn't a hope.

Poor Cuddles gets stuck with Merline and he is NOT HAPPY. He probably thinks he will have to carry her noisy butt. He also gets stuck going to St. Petersburg so I'm guessing some pouty fur trim is coming. Merline is pumped because Cuddles is a pro, and great at construction.  He sketches and errythang! TeamSTFUMerline!

TeamRetro are working well together already and they get fed cool food too! TeamWASP is doing well; TeamSTFUMerline is fake laughing, tense and oblivious, all at the same time. TeamWhut is not even listening to each other, because they do NOT speak the same language.

Dis food!!

TeamBigGlasses is working on a tired old cheongsam dress idea, come on! Beautiful material. Lindsey wants to do a kimono and Jake/Jack gently reminds her that is Japan. Not China. She doesn't give it up, because she know everything. Except Japan from China! Here's a hint: one's much bigger!

TeamPretty sketches together and works on a modern sari concept. Sure. India, right? He in troubbbblllleeee

Cuddles decides to address the Merline Problem with humour and you know how they say a joke is just never actually a joke? You can hear the tinfoil biting in his tone. Everyone else snorts and praises Jeebus in their interviews.  Merline for her part, says she just wants to fit in...and. As someone who has NEVER fit in, I'm pretty sure I recognise the DILLIGAF Stage. Cuddles tells her to SHUT IT and he lays down the law. She can have dance breaks at lunch and that's IT, MERLINE!!

They have 8 hours! In TimMath, that's 16 hours, given there two in each team. I have to say that I have worked with all types, including  creative types and sometimes more people = takes more time. But we'll see!

TeamFabulous is sharing fabric with TeamWASP and um. Aren't they supposed to use what's in their little suitcase of glory? They are doing South of France in red white and blue, but...what country has those colours again? Something very non Francey...rhymes with

TeamBigGlasses is not getting along,  but he is right. Lindsey wants to do a tahred old smoking jacket or something traditionally Chinese (or Japanese, she don't curr!), but he has lived and worked in Hong Kong. Even I know that Hong Kong is extremely high fashion and weird looking, so. He isn't offering any suggestions,  however, just shooting down all her ideas, so there is that. He also calls people Darlin', which she thinks is demeaning and pacifying, but he says it while he's walking by EVERYONE, so maybe she needs to not cloud the issue of China not actually being the capital of Japanese fashion.

TeamWhut is just not communicating. Edmond is trying, but Yang likes to stay in her heed and he gets very loudly frustrated. He wants to make the top of their dress a swimsuit and me and Yang don't agree. They fight and everyone watches between their fingers.

TeamRetro hold a quiet anatomy class at the back of the room ("here's my vagina") while TeamFabulous works on their looks and enjoy their ESPN.

TeamPretty seem to be working well together, but I'm a little confused when Laurie says she loves Tracy Ross' s look because...that's not Indian, right? Is Tracee Ellis Ross the extry judge and that's how they're telling us? She's doing a high waisted tapered pant and that sounds interesting.

Cuddles rides herd on Merline and she worries. I like how Candice says something;  a lot of these self-taught designers have confidence problems when these trained prima donnas start swanning about;  you're Top14 just like Cuddles,  Merline! You do you!

TimTime! TeamRetro has a LOT of pattern. And box pleats again with a capelet.

TeamWhut pretends they're gonna work together and Tim supports the swimsuit idea and sure. He also reminds them that Edmond has immunity and Yang realises she's gonna have to make that stupid swimsuit top.

TeamSTFUMerline's work does not impress Tim and he calls it matronly and mumsy. They're struggling.

TeamPretty and their modern sari find the secret sauce, which is a sheer navy print? Ftr, I no longer want any secret sauce on my burgers. Ty

Tim calls TeamFabulous's work appropriate and well, okay! TeamWASP is going for sexy and gets the Tim Gunn Stamp of Approval.

Lindsey and Jack/Jake fight in front of Tim and I think they may push TeamWhut out of the bottom. If you can't collaborate, you cannot compete.

Merline keeps getting shut down when she tries to make less-mumsy changes, she really needs to speak up. I mean, she doesn't have to sing it or anything, but she has to be true to her esthetic, because ol Matronly Joe there will throw her under the bus in a heartbeat on the runway.

TeamWhut is STILL arguing over colour, AS they are fitting the model. Come ON! Their ginge model says her mother told her to never wear yellow and I can't either. SallowCity! Yang tells Edmond to shut up AGAIN and man. You have to be able to collaborate!

Lindsey complains; Edmond is DONE and there is just no time. Joseph is in love with his boring light purple dress but Candice is not impress. I really am starting to like her!

Laurie calls her daughter and again I am so weirded out by all these contestants allowed personal cell phones!  Awww it has to be so hard for her to be away from her little.  We all cry. Laurie has the BEST fro! Her daughter lets her go, LOL, she's busy at the park, but she'll call back maybe tomorrow.  That's kids;  we're bawling and they're hanging up because THEY BIZZAY.

Last minute rush for Runway Day! Jack/Jake is doing NOTHING because he feels sidelined but he never speaks up! Where are HIS ideas? Ashley can't get the crotch right and Edmond and Yang are STILL FIGHTING. We all can't wait for this challenge to be over and amen. Poor Merline. Let the caged bird sing! And dance!

Hair and Makeup!  Smoky eye to bare eye to stain. Volume to sleek and straight. I strongly dislike sleek. You know Buddhists, the bigger the hair, the closer to...everything.

Wow. Edmond decides to make a backup swimsuit. Wow. Wow. To completely disregard all the work that she didn't even want to do.  Wow.

Mumsy Cuddles and his pretty periwinkle dress is putting everyone to sleep; I think Merline's architecture would have added some nice edgy contrast to Joseph's cutesy look, but apparently he and I will have to agree to disagree on that.

Yang strikes back by dragging the model into the ladies washroom and literally sewing her work onto the poor girl, and good for her. She deserves to have her crappy work picked over on the runway.

Oh! And Tracee Ellis Ross IS the extry judge, so Laurie going on about her does make sense then. But I don't think she knew, so it's just super serendipitous and Laurie cries.

Can I just say? I love that Ashley always wears a lot of colour.  I know a lot of us big girls like to wear black, because we think it's slimming, but really, it can be very dreary and I love to colour it up. She's wearing a long yellow skirt and I lurve it on her.

Runway! First up is TeamRetro's Venice look and it's. ..BIZZAY. So many patterns and colours and print and Imma stare at the crotch to make sure Ashley got the bagina right. NOPE

TeamPretty is next and I LOVE this Indian look.  The pants are bunchy but maybe that's what tapered high waisted pants DO

The Hong Kong look from TeamBigGlasses sucks. Just sucks. Next!

TeamSTFUMerline is just...boring. Pretty colour,  though.

I don't know about TeamWhut.  If you hold your eyes just so, you can kind of see where they were going with it?

TeamWASP looks like sporty chic, ehhh. It's as though they tried for couture and stopped at confused.

TeamFabulous's white and blue jumpsuit is all flowy and I could for sure see Greek Isles innit. It's kind of weirdly cool. Love the back!

Judging! TeamFabulous is safe and getta leave. Everyone else is on the carpet.  Surprisingly, TeamBigGlasses makes it into the top 3, as does TeamRetro which confuses me. So.many.patterns. Candice is super generous with her sharing credit and I lurve her even more. They can't even agree over who should win the challenge, because it was such a good collaboration.

TeamPretty's awesome sari gets picked over and it's just beautiful. The bunchy pants get called out by everyone but Laurie doesn't care because Tracee Ellis Ross likes it. They both think Swappy should get the win if it goes their way.

And now TeamBigGlasses. So ugly. Lindsey takes credit for everything and Jack/Jake finally speaks up. On the runway. Ick. Boring and oversized but they like it. Also, Jack/Jake is wearing his pants pulled up like Mondo and again! You, sir, are NO Mondo.

TeamWhut take turns throwing each other under the bus and yay immunity for Edmond. Because otherwise Nina would have sent his piña colada meets Hawaiian Punch meets CrazyTown arse home. Zac points out the unfinished skirt, that Edmond ignored in favour of creating another swimsuit to replace Yang's. She is not a Happy Nut.

Now TeamSTFUMerline is on the carpet and MatronlyMadame may be Joseph's bread and butter,  but none of that has anything to do with Merline's work. He immediately throws Merline under the bus and she has just no idea that she could go home right now. She's speaking at weird moments and bopping around like a tweaker, is that a problem with her? It's not about dancing, it looks involuntary. She seems incapable of taking anything seriously and while this is not exactly rocket science or creating a vaccine, it seems very off.

TeamWASP worked well together and was quite surprised to be in the bottom and I'm actually listening to Tracee Ellis Ross' s feedback. She makes good sense!

The judges paw over the models and in the end, choose TeamRetro's Venice grab bag as the co-winners. Yay!

The losing teams are TeamWhut and TeamSTFUMerline and Joseph stays and it's down to Yang and Merline. Yang goes home and Merline better be thanking her lucky stars, yo.

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