Saturday, 7 November 2015

BRR Project Runway Recap S14:E1 Mad Dash Mayhem

I used to LOVE this show and watched religiously, the OG U.S. version and the Canadian spin off and everything I could get my hot little hands on. However, they stopped showing it in Canada a couple of years back and I couldn't find it nowhow. I have now! Thanks to TFOAM! Woot! Let's make it work again!


We open in New Yawk of  course, with Edmond Newton from Hotlanta, he looks like Drake a bit. Show me your patty cake on the floor dance!! He is 37 but looks 16, tops, we'll see!

Then we have Swapnil Shinde from Mumbai and I am going to have a hard time not making fun of his accent and Indian Elvis look with extry eyeliner. He's super edgy with his neck tattoos and leather and I'm going to do my best to keep it culturally sensitive but I should probably apologize now. He has a LOT going on with his look!

Then we have a gorgeous Ashley Nell Tipton, wearing an apron/skirt, chambray and Kelly Osbourne's hurr. She's only 24 and calls herself fun, funky and fat. OWN IT, GUUUURL. You fabulous.

We have Amanda Perna next, who apparently got cut super early in season 9, she's pretty and has a beautiful flowy red skirt, lessee if she gets to compete this time.

Merline Labissiere is representing Haiti by way of Savannah, and. ..her pantsuit is TERRIBLE. But.  Probably fashion. She's an architect so that will be interesting. Apparently being an architect means you create clothes that look like undraped bedsheets.

We've got a Kiwi!! Duncan Chambers Watson is 25 AND a ginge AND a New Zealander! He looks like a Banff Beardy Boy with hockey hair and is a Project Runway superfan. Say fish und chips! !!

Next up is Lindsey Creel from Austin TX wearing plaid and saying she doesn't play well with others.  In my experience, it's the ones that CALL themselves difficult that really aren't.  The really crazy ones just think they're normal. And misunderstood.

My goodness. Hanmiao Yang is up and she will henceforth be known by her last name. She lives right by there and already feels famous.

Blake Patterson (of the gay Pattersons?) is from LA and pretends not know what happens at Madison Square Gardens, where they have all been summoned to. It's okay, Blake. You're a dude on Project Runway. You don't have to explain to us that you don't like sports.  We know.

It IS pretty cool that they've rented out the whole MSG for Project Runway, Heidi and Tim (squee!!) wait at center court for everyone to arrive and it's all so exciting! So many new sterotypes designing clothes!

We have ladyjock Kelly Dempsey from Bahstan, who wears really big hoops and for sure will talk about being a tomboy at least 3 times in interview before being eliminated. Watch for it!

Candice Cuoco of San Fran is our Louise Brooks contestant (there is ALWAYS a Louise Brooks contestant), with a slightly longer pageboy and brown lip. Brown.Lip. Get it together, Louise!

Sooooooo what in pink mumu armless hell is Heidi wearing?? Is she pregnant? Is she pregnant AND one of her kids is getting married and this was ALL that fit? Tim looks his age. I love Tim. I respect Heidi's business sense

There is a challenge already of course! It involves big sheets of fabric laid out across seats and Laurie Underwood from ChiTown is staring at the fuschia but GingeKiwi looks like he can run faster and wants it more. I dig her Canadian Upspeak? You know?

They can take as much of the fabric as they want, but can only use 4 textiles to show their signature style. In one day. Jake Wall, also of San Francisco, is just excited to get started and he looks to me like he is trying to be Mondo and you, SIR, are NO Mondo!!

Kelly talks about running track and Imma count that as one! Conversely Ashley is just not a runner. GingeKiwi gets the fuschia! People be crazy

We have David Giampiccolo, who shall be called Piccolo, from Hollywood via Italy, I'm guessing, has been clothblocked from his first choice and is making do with what's left. He wears his hair long, a leather jacket and Sonny Crockett almostbeard because of course he does.

Lindsey thinks this first challenge will teach people how to treat you, and I guess? Whether they have to worry about your talent, maybe? Hopefully everyone is just focused on their own talent, but you know. Competition and all.

Amanda does NOT want to be the first one sent home. Again. And they're off to the workroom!! Woo hoo!!

Our cuddly Bear Joseph Charles Poli is just accepting that this is really for reaslie happening, I just wanna SQUEEZE him! He looks so cuddly! But is totes the Adult type of Bear, not just of the teddy variety.

Everyone introduces themselves  and we get Kelly's backstory. She was a poor kiddo who got teased for wearing stuff from the thrift store (which so reminds me of Who Do You Love? by Jennifer Weiner) so she Pretty In Pinked them and called it designing.

Merline is being culturally insensitive to Swappy and he rolls with it. He has beautiful blue contact lenses!! And interviews about being unable to properly show clothes in India because of laws against nudity. and fun.

And yay! First Tim visit! Ohhhhh. There's a JustFab accessories wall. They switch sponsors all the time, but....JustFab?? And now they call the sewing room the Brother Sewing Room, MOAR sponsors!

Well this is odd. The designers were all supposed to bring their own scissors and equipment and three of them: Piccolo, Merline and Swappy, did not. That's crazy. That's like a chef not bringing his own knives. You have to have your own tools! Swappy misunderstood, Merline was overweight on the plane and Lindsey carries an 80 lb toolkit with her 100 pound body. That's great, Linds, sounds like you have LOTS of supplies to share!

Ashley and Laurie share and the rest of y'all are jerks. There's another designer in there named Garielle, looks kinda Manson Family-ish.

Cuddly Bear Joseph got in first time he auditioned and Edmond, who tried for YEARS is embarrassed.  Honestly, Joseph, that's totally bragging and now I expect to be wowed by your cuddly arse.

Edmond says his thing is dresses and he's a fashion rebel and...I'm not seeing a lot of rebellion in his cocktail dress at the moment.

Candice is the model everyone is using to measure their stuff on and Happy Nut Yang says she is made in China, lol. Her esthetic is simple and oversized, which fits for reasons I will not expand on.

Blake thinks he's winning already because he has something mostly done and I guess he's missing the fact that they're all saying things like "half-baked" and "wham bam thank you ma'am" instead of GOOD JOB. He went to FITM and designs for socialites and. Dat sweater?  It has it's own tutu..

Merline goes to the Middle school of self-entertainment, which means constant singing and talking to herself and on and on and on...driving jockKelly crazy. And everyone else. I've never heard anyone hashtag out loud before. Laurie finally says something and we'll see if it takes.  Some people just like to work through things out loud! Others need quiet time while they are working. Like most people.

GingeKiwi says he won Best Dressed for his prom outfit and I guess fedoras and polka dotted vests are big in New Zealand?  He calls his esthetic Maximallist with a Minimalist ideals and all I see are a shittonne of buckles and bare knees. His dress looks like a coral draped bed sheet.

Candice has two kiddos, had her daughter at 17 and true to Momform, we're gonna hear all about them I bet. I am good with that, I love to hear about kiddos! She moved out at 14 and was super angry but her daughter saved her and we cry together for a bit over that. People don't understand.  Kids save you every day. Even with all the pee on the floor and the screaming and mess. Every day.

Ashley's dress looks...weird! I've got to see it put together. She's still working on defining herself and she's scared and her confidence is lacking from so many years being treated differently and bullied for her size. I get it, girl. Keep the faith. Merline and Swappy hug her and thank goodness some people are nice. Top 16!!

TimTime!!! Duncan the GingeKiwi is first and does well. Ashley is next with her box pleats and he helps her out with decisions.  Hmm. She should be doing this herself. Sigh

Lindsey is up! He calls hers boring and available,  as well as Laurie. He doesn't like the drape on Blake's dress, digs Candice's  but Gabrielle gets told to streamline and Cuddly Bear Joseph's work is mumsy. Edmond's boring cocktail dress doesn't impress Tim either. He calls is basic and I SAID JUST THAT. Tim questions Edmond's vision, ability and execution and it.is.BRUTAL. When your work is called "the antithesis of joy"...I fcuking love Tim Gunn.

Merline keeps talking about doing her muslim and it throws both Tim and I off. It's MUSLIN. With an N. You are not sewing a Muslim. Phew. JockKelly gets skewered for her strong print that doesn't line up properly and the words Amateur Hour come up.

Amanda and Jake get similarly bad reviews and poor Swappy doesn't like to work in a rush, which flabbergasts Tim and anyone who has ever watched even a single episode of Project Runway. This is what we DO!! Happy Nut Yang gets hammered for droopy and poor servicing and she brushes it off. She prefers her own opinion. Which is why maybe a competition based on other people's opinions...

Tim says he's disappoint in most of them and there is a lump of coal up their behinds and I'm not sure where he's going with that.  Is he Santa in this scenario?

JockKelly gets from fabric from Lindsey and completely redoes her dress. Edmond completely changes his design, thank bob. Lots of changes!  Models here! Ooh I kind of like Edmond's new dress! It's a lovely colour between dove and charcoal and the fact that I like it means it's probably not fashion. There are always last minute artists running behind, this time it's Merline and Candice that have problems with time management.

Hotel time! And Amanda is our Girlie Girl designer, woo hoo! Everyone is stressed and why no drinkies? Have some drinkies! !

Runway Day!! Woo hoo!! For real for real I bet says Merline.  Ooooh, new sponsors again! Mary Kay makeup and Sally Beauty for hurr. Does that mean Avon will be doing the fragrances? I mean. With the budget JustFab and all...

MaryKay makeup artist says Berry is the new red and I wanna see G*sh! Where's Julia? ?

Hair / makeup montage with tons of obvious product placement,  and Laurie could be a model, wow. Dat skin. I don't like Gabrielle's or Yang's but I dig Blake's, Duncan's and Edmond's. Everyone loves Duncan's work, the GingeKiwi, so that means his coral Grecian drape dress will get panned by the judges. I think he's relying on a beautifully coloured material instead of design.

Runway!! Heidi freaks everyone out and then we meet the judges! Zac Posen is like a little sprite, so perky. Nina Garcia! ! Who still hasn't brushed her damn hair and Hannah Davis, swimsuit model who can't seem to keep her clothes on.  Tim is just there to help!

Blake's dress is up first and I love it! Merlin calls it pure art: agree. Amanda's is boring but I like the baby blue skirt colour. Holy shite is Laurie's dress short.  Hate Yang's boxy mumu in shades of pee and Swappy's is cute but basic. Like the skirt. The coral Grecian dress by Ducan is looks awesome in the back. I like Edmond's but it looks what Tim would call "already available". Merline's look is very interesting in burnt orange,  I'm not sure how to explain. Will try to find a picture.

Lindsey's is ridic. Talk about already available, circa 1996 maybe. And it's fitted TERRIBLY. When you make your 14 year old model look like she has saggy mom bewbs...she says she was aiming for safe and WHO AIMS FOR SAFE??? Oh I was wrong! I hate Piccolo's dress, not Gabrielle's. Like a snuggy with colour blocking. But not as attractive. I like Joseph's pretty lilac skirt but it's all bunchy and I don't know. Heidi smiles and it's kind of like a death ray.

Kelly's dress is all asymmetrical and I kind of like it. UglyChic. Jake's is boring and his model is doing whatever the opposite is selling it is. Gabrielle's isn't bad, it's an interesting colour and fabric choice for that type of swingy dress. You don't see many salsa dancers in dove grey linen. LOVE Candice's. But. Ashley's is awful.

Judging! Edmond is up first and explains that he has auditioned 14 times. Every single season. Nina likes the dress! Zac calls it non-revolutionary. Hannah blah blah blah no1curr what the extra judge thinks.

Blake is up! And everyone hated it. Too much yellow.  Too much everything. I liked it. Because I know nothing.

Happy Nut Yang gets some Sally Draper realness feedback and yay. They hated it too. Bwahahaha she looks like a monk, a picnic and maternity all together.

Merline and her young, professional girl in burnt orange gets rave reviews,  really like and the judges all love it too.

Ashley explains hers and we're all counting the pros and cons to see if she's a win or fail. Nina loves it. Hannah blah blah who curr and Zac loves it too.  See; I'm not fashion. Hate it

Duncan and his drapy coral Grecian gets panned, LIKE I SAID. Charmeuse Obi Wan Kenobi, bwahaha Zac. Everyone hates the salmon toga. Some back and forth with the judges and Zac gives Duncy props for standing behind his work which all the other designers LOVED.

The bottom three dresses are picked over and wow. These models are actually people. But honestly.  I can't believe they get to handle the work AND models. That's not fair!

Edmond is in, Ashley wins and Merline is safe. Ashley is so cute. Everyone hugs her and cheers and we all tear up.

Blake makes it through to the next level, leaving Yang and Duncan in the bottom two...and Yang makes it through.  Bai GingeKiwi who says it's all good and is gone. Ah well. Everyone hugs and cries again. Nobody can believe it, including Tim, but I knew. Draping is tricky, yo!

And we're out! What do you think? Keep going?

3 comments:

  1. LOVE Ashley. Your recap made me rewatch the first ep, I love going back and revisiting how it all started. Confession: I love JustFab. Half my shoes are from that glorious website. It is a monthly subscription but as long as you remember to skip the month by the 5th, you won't pay a cent.

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    1. I really like Ashley, was really surprised by how much I did NOT like that outfit

      I've heard JustFab is like Proactiv in how difficult it is to cancel?

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    2. Do you think I should add runway pics? It will make it super long but maybe easier to visualize. What do you think?

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