Monday, 9 November 2015

BRR Project Runway Recap S14:E5 Gunn and Heid

Last epi we saw Blake win with his bleedy parachute dress


And Gabrielle go home due to similarly inept construction, but less actual design skill showing on her work

Now we have the paintball gang! New York is almost as much of a character on this show as Seattle was on The Killing.  

Everyone yaks in the hotel and Amanda complains. Miss Muffet AHoleInterviews continues to talk shit about other designers, and I'm guessing they don't realise she means Merline, who is right there. Ashley nods and smiles and counts her wins. Two!! Almost as many times as Amanda was in the bottom,  but that was actually 3. Candice is looking extra supafierce this morning, LOVE.IT!

Paintball outfits on Tim & Heidi and on them, even white coveralls look good. Merline calls it Hunger Games Realness.  They learn its a team challenge and everyone groans. For real!

Blake gets to choose first because he won with that bleedy mess up there and he snatches up Swappy before you can say TeamRinger. Heidi brings out the Button Bag of Doom! Candice is head of the other team and Ashley thinks she's all up in First Mate position and nope! Amanda. That's an odd choice. Well, with editing, you never really know how people get along in the workroom. Oh for the love of...Candice wants to HELP Amanda.  As she said about Joseph and the Taming of Merline,  that ain't the challenge. But it is generous, if slightly condescending of her

Swappy grabs Joseph, Amanda chooses Kelly, who chooses Lindsey while the boys all bro it up and HOW can nobody have picked Ashley yet? SHE WON TWO OF THE LAST THREE CHALLENGES! Why come she's stuck on Loser's bench with singy Merline?? And she is last. Heidi says something and I'm glad, because Ashley struggles with her confidence and that's the kind of thing that can sideline someone sensitive. AND I KNOW. 

I still can't believe Candice chose Amanda over Ashley. That is insane to me and she clearly has no idea how Amanda feels about her and her work. Fake and mediocre, wasn't it, Mandy? It is  a physical challenge and I can see how some people think fat people can't run, which is WRONG (See Fat and Fit? by the lovely Renoblondee) and anyway Joseph was snapped up immediately. 

This is ridic, they will be physically fighting for fabric?? And then it's gonna get covered with paint splatter? Is it a Pollock Challenge? The girls scream a lot and it doesn't go well. 

Now the menz turn; they actually have a fabric colour plan and it still doesn't help because Ashley is a badass on that paintball gun. Blake refuses to engage but the boys still get alllls the fabric.

The twist is that they actually have to use their paint splattered jumpsuits as material for their 6 look mini collections.  Blake's is lovely and clean, the big baby.

Ashley, you kick ass. You show these cliquey girls that it's about TALENT, BITCHES and you got loads to spare. 

TeamMerline+Menz is trying to decide on an era; they go with Swappy's suggestion of the 50s and Joseph falls in love with an inside out jumpsuit. Thank BOB they're all doing their own looks or Mumsy Madame would sink the lot of them.

TeamEstrogen struggles and Ashley doesn't feel comfortable stepping up due to her being stuck last onto the team, not chosen.  I told you that would get into her heed!

Ohmigawd I am so freaking right some times that is amazes even ME!! Swappy is going with a Jackson Pollock theme!!! Like I said during paintball. I'm just gonna get some salve for my arm, it's all sore from the back patting. Okay, back!

Jack/Jake wants to work on textures and everyone digs. TeamEstrogen is just working on fabric instead of concept, which Ashley doesn't understand. If all the fabric isn't the same, how can it be cohesive?

Speaking of cohesive, the men are working wonderfully together and it's all very positive and it's not like the girl's group where everyone is coming across as very stereotypically catty and exclusionary. Candice calls herself a strong voiced leader with a lot of positivity and I'm trying really hard to not see that as clueless arrogance, given how poorly the team is doing.

The women have gone with multiple colours on each piece and the men have gone with mostly a single per. It really will be beautiful. Ashley does not understand her team's vision and I bet Tim and the judges won't either.

TeamMerline+Boys aight and collaborative and yay! TeamEstrogen presents their looks separately and Tim tells them they should be scared and calls it an Easter Egg Festival. They only have orange and purple fabrics to work with and nothing is bueno. Because they have NO CONCEPT. Candice is super snotty in interviews about Ashley and HONESTLY. Purple is their cohesion colour!

Merline's looks really cool and Joseph was all positive about it and everything! Model fittings and the boys do well and the girls have nothing to put on their bone racks. They get interrupted by a suit from Sally Beauty to talk about nail polish, BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT NAILS WHILE THEY ARE SEWING. 750 colours and you know I am thinking Dietland and Julia! Someone put Gash on Victoria! I mean.

The women keep calling the purple Barney coloured, and its not really even close. Barney is darker AND multi-hued.

Should they be painting the JustFab accessories? Everyone's bitching on the ladies team about the vomited koolaid and Amanda warns that she will be angry at her team should she be sent home for something she hates. When is Amanda NOT angry? Here's a great example of passive aggressive bitchiness! Amanda walks up to Laurie and asks for the shears that Laurie is USING. When Laurie doesn't immediately hand them over, Amanda says in that sickly sweet runway / Tim voice "oh okay. That's fine. Team player". This is a grown woman. Laurie calls her on it, and stands her ground. Honestly. GROWN WOMEN

Ashley scraps her entire look and goes in a complete new direction. Which I don't think she's told anyone yet.

Amanda complains about her team some more and blames everything on them blah blah blah whatever sweet voiced ahole blah blah

Dead seagull Blake grew up on a farm! He's totally Miss Fame!! Drag Race crossover!

Candice, Amanda and Kelly all stand around and giggle and I am just so disappoint. What are they laughing about? How do they have time or energy to do that?

I'm concerned that TeamMerline+Boys might be too matchy matchy, they have added this really pretty cerulean flower to everything to tie the collection together and it's pretty, but. It's also wet, Blake still painting on flowers on material that have to be used immediately.

People say Ashley's completely unfinished plunging crop top nice while Laurie shakes her head in the background, that cracked me up. Oooh I like Swappy's! He has a great eye for colour! It's like a smoky periwinkle.

Hair and Makeup! Deep red for Team Blue with Balls! Speaking of blue, they DID paint the JustFab shoes! Aww man. That ain't right.

Ashley and Laurie gossip while starting with "I'm soooo not a gossiper", which must preface all bitch sessions, truly, and Laurie lets Ashley know she is the target if everything goes south. I am so sad that Candice is involved. Poor Ashley.

Runway Time! You know, Heidi could just wear anything. She OWNS everything on her teeny tiny Amazonian body.

Extry judge is Kelly Osbourne! I sure do not like. Lisa Perry is the extry EXTRY judge, huh. I really hope that if Ashley's team does do wrong by her that Tim used his save. She does really good work.

Runway time! Blake's look is maybe what Gabrielle was going for last week; crisp clean white dress with a beautifully spotted bottom and cap sleeve.

Joseph's is next and it doesn't look matronly to me! Darker colours but you can see the print and I like. 

Swappy's dress is gorge as usual, so much fabric and beautiful colour. Have I mentioned the colour palate is fantastic for the boy's+ Merline team? Totes is

Jake's pantsuit and cape is next and I like it, but I'm concerned that it looks very similar to Joseph's.

Merline breaks up all that blue with her white structured coat dress and I LIKE! You can tell it's hers because of the architectural details!

Edmond's piece is up and Kelly O nods her neck off and I don't get. I mean. It's quite pretty, of course, but the buttons are all bunchy and it looks overlong. Lots of open backs for the boys

Merline's up top, Blake on the bottom

L-R: Edmond's, Blake's, Joseph's, Swappy's and Merline's

Swappy's

Edmond's
The girls are up and Ashley's plunging neckline starts them off. That purple is truly, truly no bueno. I don't like Ashley's look at all.



Laurie's look is adorable, culottes and a drapey top and it gives me hope for the collection. Lindsey ruins that immediately with her boring and bunchy whatever it is.

Candice's dress looks half-baked and unfinished and it's not even the colour that's the problem. She looks like she's wearing a giant maxi pad.

Candice's on the left and right, Kelly's in the middle
Oh Jeebus I don't even know what Kelly has on top there. I like her long mermaid skirt but up top is so badly done that I can't look directly at it

Amanda has done a parachute? In three colours? I like the way it moves, but when she says "It was designed, it's not basic" I suddenly think it's all those things she's saying it isn't. The back is. Flowy! The dress is flowy!


The boys win, of course, and guess who is gonna get the blame from the ladies? Tense in the backroom while the boys circlecuddle on the runway with Merline. Good job, y'all! Edmond and Swappy's stand out for everyone and I just want Jake's top!

TeamEstrogen is headed by Candice, who explains the collection and that's that, right? But no! Laurie disagrees and Candice not happy. Heidi knows where the dramz lies and asks Ashley why she isn't speaking and brings up again that she couldn't believe the winner of 2/3 challenges was picked dead last. Laurie agrees while the other women look uncomfortable. Does Ashley smell?

The thing is, would Ashley have gone on the offensive like that had Laurie not told her they were going to blame everything on her? Because they certainly hadn't the chance to do so yet. I've been in this situation; it's so easy to do the wrong thing. As an aside: I do the wrong thing a LOT. I worry about Ashley's confidence.

Kelly and Amanda's looks are Nina's bottom 2 and I couldn't help but snicker about Amanda and that's because I'm a bad person.

And now the polling as to whom should go home! Aww Kelly, I liked you but everyone hates your dress and if you had any integrity, you'd put your own name out there instead of Ashley's, which is what you do.

Lindsey also says Ashley, based only on this challenge, as does Amanda but she's shitty enough to throw a sweet-voiced apology directly at Ashley as she does it. Candice says Laurie, and I bet that had more to do with Laurie speaking her mind and not letting self-appointed leader Candice own the floor.

Laurie and Ashley dislike Amanda's the most and AGREE. Easter maternity dress indeed.

Back in the room, huge bitchfest! I love that Blake calls them mean girls and says it was their downfall in the challenge. Lindsey fights but I think that's
almost automatic with her.

The judges love Swappy's, Edmond's and Jake's the best; those were my favourites too! And they LOVE Jake's top as much as I do!

They HATE the ladies looks, and start with Ashley's, but actually hate Candice's and Kelly's more. They call Amanda's a tent and it's the same ugly easy dress.

So! Edmond and his long pretty dress won and Swappy and I are disappoint. Jake! Call me! Make me a top!

The loser is Amanda, of course, they can only put her in the bottom for the same stupid dress so many times. She comes in the room and she STILL isn't taking responsibility for her look. My cold black heart is cheered when only two of those mean betches get up to hug her.

So we owt!

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