Hopefully all the girl dramz got left in last week, we saw Edmond win again with his re-imagined 50s dress in a Pollock Theme
And Amanda get sent home in her sad Easter Maternity dress
And now the Bitchfest Hangover. ..none of the women are talking and everyone thinks if they pretend the Ashley Under the Bus didn't happen, it didn't happen. Nobody knows where to look.
Speaking of not knowing where to look! The designers show up on the runway to see pics of half nekkid Heidi all over the place and ginch all over the mannequins. I know she's a model, but she's also their boss and that has to be a LITTLE weird. I would not want to see ANY of my former bosses in a thong and a smile, I will say that. The women look worried and the menz look confused: NOT the demographic.
They are going to be designing pieces inspired by Heidi's underpants collection and Candice is excited, and so is Edmond but I think two things:
1) Heidi be Apple-ing these designers, but it's probably an "opportunity"
2) that means there is only ONE judge this challenge and she does not pull her punches
Part of the "opportunity" is that the winning designs will be sold along with Heidi's ginch on her website and all of a sudden I see it. The pieces they design and develop will be made in a factory by Ecuadorians making a living wage, no doubt, or a bunch of larcenous felons in a woman's only prison, and people will be able to touch them. For $20, same as in town, Father. So that IS a big deal, thanks for splaining that to me, Merline.
Jake says his only experience with lingerie is taking them off someone or putting them on himself and me and the producer are all Um. So.many.questions!!
So much bad skin on this show all of a sudden! Kelly and Ashley have both gone the full Duggar and I wonder if there's just not good food or no sleep or whut.
At the workroom with underwear bows and Laurie reminiscing about her mebbe crossdressing ChiTown boyfriend! Blake thinks the women have an advantage because they wear it (more often. Jake) but Candice argues that it's more about taste and balance than ladyparts.
TimTime! And they get a bra. To embellish. How is that designing again? Never mind, I trust Tim but me and Lindsey are knowingly smirking. Blake is confused because he doesn't wear undies and Tim literally leaps backwards. Ick. One day challenge!
Laurie is dressing herself for her boyfriend and rushes over to the fuschia, which she calls a grown.woman's.pink. She said that!!
Kelly is going for sexy padded bra bewbs and Edmond is basing his on as much colour as possible, no more monochrome! Swappy is working on a Sex-Book Era Madonna, lots of straps and it looks uncomfortable to wear and difficult to put on in the drawing. I shall trust in Swappy!
Candice is going for a garter belt combo and someone I know well very much approves. She interviews that she's not intending to attach a thigh-high, sometimes it's just nice to have a GARTER.STRAP.ON. She said that! !!
Merline is thinking.outside.the.box STAHP YOU GUYS!
Ashley explains the problems with plus size lingerie, preach, sister! You DO always have to compromise, you may get pretty and whispy and lacy but you better only wear it laying down because it won't be bringing anything to attention. I will say that it's not like that really right now, but yeah, gotta look a lot. Ashley's into mauve buttfloss
Blake calls female genitilia "coslopus" and...? He doesn't know where the coslopus lies.
Meanwhile, Lindsey cuts herself trying to catch scissors and has to get a tenatus shot which will take the whole day, complains Miss Mouse. Now Little Miss Can't Be Wrong has something she can blame her bunchy boring work on!
Everyone is freaking out at how much more work this is than they thought it would be. Bra and panty, how hard could it be?? Really, really hard, turns out.
3 hours later, Lindsey comes back in after a stitch and a tetanus shot and no joke, those shots hurt like bejeezeus. Injecting fire, that's pretty much what it feels like.
Tim and Heidi inspection time! In case you haven't seen; Heidi is TOUGH in these run-throughs. Kelly is first and likes some of it but strongly slags on her time management skills: 5 hours???
Heidi gets called beautiful by Captain Tacky, aka Edmond and his hideous hideous ginch set. But no, she's not joking. She hates it. Tim suggests it's hooker chic and I suggest that sex workers have better taste than this
Joseph is up next and for the love of god, he's actually managed to make a grannier granny bra. It gets called Matronly again because THAT is his market.
Heidi asks Candice if there is a whip coming with and that's her signal to dial it back, ho.
Heidi doesn't bug Lindsey too much but thinks Laurie's bottom is too big (RUDE!) and the straps look awkward and not sexy.
Princess Blakey is making a three layered bra and it all looks the same. Merline gets advised to lean more heavily on her architectural background and Jake calls shenanigans on Architectural Design. Heidi also shades her just the teenisest bit for not using the bra provided, but really, she gonna need support
Heidi thinks Jake's bra is too busy and looks like a teenager's bra and I guess that is one area the women have an advantage. How would a guy know that?
I love that Ashley calls designing for regular sizes "dumbing it down to straight sizes" so there, Jake and Princess Blakey! Not all women know everything about designing for every single women becuz: baginas. But they DO at least know where the baginas are all at anyway. She's advised to shrink her bra and a new mantra is born: More Bewb, Less Bra. All together, ladies!
Swappy gets rave reviews for his Madonna look but has run out of straps. And pesto sauce, apparently? Tim makes me laugh when he blinks like he's about to pass out he's so confused by someone's stupidity. Swappy is planning to steal straps under the cover of darkness so I guess that's kind of a plan?
Surprise twist is 10 minutes they have to be on the runway. Nobody knows if they are supposed to be done in 10 minutes or whut and they all panic and sew like. Well, like they always do last minute. Lots of thread licking (NOT erotic, turns out) and muttering under their breath.
The runway is covered with pillows and beds and surprise! They have to do a sexy coverup too! But they get extra time. Heidi's idea of giving them more time is to make them change into pajamas and have a slumber party all together on the runway. What. The. Motherfcuk. It's not your sweatshop, Heidi! Let them go home and shower!
Swappy is embarrassed because he doesn't have his fancy jammies on and everyone else just wants to sleep.
Ooooh nooooo. Lindsey's is TERRIBLE. An entire giant lace cosoplus coverer. Everyone else is going with super high waisted panty and Joseph thinks he knows best with his gauzy granny ginch.
And now a model butt montage. I would be worried about Merline's, but I think she at least understands where baginas fall on the female body, unlike Princess Blakey, who is getting an Anatomy 101 class from his model. Like a certain hit movie where they started the merkin directly under the actress's belly button. This is going to be one of those runway shows where we don't know where to look, isn't it?
Laurie doesn't want to get in trouble with her panty having a line down the middle and I think that is the LEAST of her worries. It ugly. And as Swappy says; has a huge camel toe too.
The models are all concerned about coverage, most of them are pretty young, but Heidi is NOT going to be happy with some boy shorts and a cami, we know that for sure. So. Jake isn't sure what to do. He wants to make his model feel sexy and confident and she got dumped this week and at any rate: don't do it Jake! Design something!
Everyone is tired and worn out and I don't think anyone has even started the coverup and. Yeah. The sleepover was a stupid idea. Then Tim comes in the workroom in pjs! Pjs with a pocket square, natch.
They go to sleep and...are woken up by Tim with messy hair! I think he slept in the judging chambers! Everyone is so tahred.
Apparently all the designers have dismissed Merline as a threat; thanks for that, bitchy Candice. Where's that awesomeness I saw in you the first 4 episodes?? WHERE??
Model fittings on runway day! I know I'm a bad person but I cannot wait to see Jake's model so I can see what a dumped model looks like. This is why reality TV exists! Ah, it's the ginger.
Hair and makeup! Messy waves for ALL and lots of lashes! DUN
I don't know about this...Princess Blakey doesn't have a coverup even yet. Is he just not going to make one? Also running behind are Jake, Swappy and Merline; Jake snags Mumsy Joseph for some help while Blake literally throws some muslin over his model's model's shoulders. If they hand him a win based on this garbage...
Heidi's here and the designers wait on the runway! Extry judge is Bella Thorne. Huh. You know how some people just can't help but look like pouty aholes? Yeah
Runway time! Swappy is up first and I sincerely hope he gets a buy into the next round. Strappy and boring and bunchy all at the same time! I do like the panty.
I like Ashley's, she's created an unusual shape on the bra with lovely colours; grey and lavender, to match her hair.
I like Jake's polkadotted bra and panty set but it looks already available. I'm not seeing anything new there. Cute bra?
Edmond's is okay, nowhere near as tack-o-rama as before, but kind of meh.
Lindsey has designed a pull on lace panty over a thong? And bra for no bewbs? Everyone says they love it and I strongly disagree. The bright blue colour is nice, says my inner Kiernan.
Up next is Candice's and it doesn't look nearly as domme-ish as it did, but it doesn't look finished either. Zac loves the garter belts that go to nowhere but I am not convinced.
I kind of like Joseph's, he's used this strap to create a half-oval across the top and I like it. It's also a lovely light grey and apparently I really like grey, I've been drooling all over it every show. The panty is a nightmare but he don't curr
Merline's is essentially a bunch of string and I CANNOT see how that took every last second to make.
Blake's model looks NAKED and it is...not good. If he wins based on this high waisted Baywatch shite...
Oh nooooo Laurie, I mean. HAYULL NAW. That looks AWFUL. That panty is so terrible.
The only thing I like about Kelly's is the coverup, somehow she's made her model look like a fitness competitor and I'm pretty sure I saw her ovaries.
Kelly, Joseph, Edmond, Candice and Lindsey are moving to the next round, lessee who was high / low.
Swappy explains that his look is bridal bondage and I still really do like the panty. Heidi likes the bra, though and calls it a show stopper. I'm glad he isn't on the bottom, whew. I love how he is so gracious.
Now Laurie. I like the bra, but...dat panty. Exactly says Heidi. Dated.
Merline's mess was going for cute and effortless...and wow. Heidi likes it. Huh. Sexy but empowered? Um. Yuck
Jake explains his already available preteen bra and scrap of fabric cover up and it gets torn apart. It looks lumpy and bumpy and no bueno
Blake and his sporty but French last minute garbage is up and I LOVE that the judges tear him a new one for his excuse that he this is his first experience with women's intimates. We get it, you're gay. BUT. Also a fashion designer and having no clue about WOMEN will not help you succeed. They don't think it's funny OR cute.
I hope Ashley is top? And she is! Yay! Whew. I already have favourites. Man this Bella Thorne talks a lot. Shhh. Zac calls it yummy, yay!
This is going to be an even more uncomfortable when the judges paw the models today. Eeehhh. Zac jumps right up and says let's get intimate while reaching INTO model's bra. Ick.
And Merline's mess wins! I guess it would probably be the cheapest to reproduce. She cries and I get all the feels.
Now for the bottom: Imma say gbye to Jake right now. Blake has been either in the top or bottom every single week and
Holy shit. They sent Blake home. I bet it was the no knowledge of or interest in a fairly important part of making clothing. Wow. Did NOT call that.
What did you guys think?