Saturday, 14 November 2015

BRR Project Runway Recap S14:E7 Haute Tech Couture

Last week Merline finally won a challenge! A ginch challenge, even, and this was the winning look

Soooo...okay! All I can say is that it must be fashion, because it certainly isn't functional. We lost Princess Blakey, of the uncertainty re: cosoplus location Blakeys. He sent this down the runway, for reals! He really did!

This week is another unconventional materials challenge, lessee!

Candice and Laurie talk about Blake and blah blah blah Candice we're so good and blah blah of COURSE we're top ten blah blah. I'm so sad that she turned out to be so predictable. Kiernan would say her hair looks lovely

80s boom box challenge woo hoo! There's one in each massive hotel room and HOW DID THEY NOT NOTICE THAT BEING BROUGHT IN??? I am TOTALLY creeped out on their behalf. Heidi says they will be diving into the next challenge and it throws everyone, especially the dewds, who snicker and blush but still look confused.

Laurie sings!!

They meet Tim in a graffiti covered outside location standing next to a giant pile of electronic garbage.

I keep having to stop and look at the news feed for Paris. All the love and ohms out there.

Marie Claire Suit is the special guest and everyone gets a bunch of old technology to remake into clothes. Apparently this is right up Swappy's alley and he's gonna make Wall-E! I love his open heart and enthusiasm. And piercingly non-genetically possible blue eyes.

Surprise surprise, Little Miss Can't Be Wrong has a germ thing and finds the idea of dumpster diving terrifying. She actually says terrifying. Now. I also have a germ thing, but I also have several children, which is absolutely the cure for germ things. I prescribe kids, Lindsey!

Merline thinks she's old because she used to use floppy disks, but I got that beat! I got that beat, y'all! What she's holding up

Came YEARS after what I used, which were ACTUALLY floppy!

Wait. Did I just enter myself in and win the Who's The Oldest Contest??

Now they have to push their shopping carts full of garbage all the way back to the workroom and Merline is the only one digging the bag lady vibe. Merline reminds me so much of Steams. Not in the bag lady way, but the bopping to her own beat and ain't nobody slow her down or break her stride. And she talks in ways I don't always understand, but dig the musicality of it all.

Jake is having a bad day and even Lindsey notices so he must be super duper off. Joseph is making what he calls a super short and sexy look...a knee-length skirt. I'm wondering if there is hope for Joseph the Bear.

Ashley is using Polaroids, Kelly is lost and Merline is doing a "think outside the box" chant in the corner while everyone uses mallets to make their materials bendy.

Swappy is just so giddy and happy and at this point I have to wonder if Princess Blakey was wrecking his vibe. Princess Blakey of the "I don't speak Indian" to currently English-speaking Swappy. Will see! It may also be drugs. Or manic depression. Really, or maybe HE'S HAVING A GOOD DAY! Y U gotta be so negative, TTM? And stop talking to yourself!

Tim comes in to remind them to make it fashion forward and WEARABLE, which deflates some designers. Jake asks to speak to Tim and so yeah, he's having a super bad day. His dog is very sick and they have to terminate him and it's just awful. Me and Tim cry with him and he's going. Oh man. I'm so sorry, Jake. Go say goodbye to your fur baby.

Ashley's Polaroid material might be just a teensy bit short and Candice offers some helpful advice that Ashley shuts down.

TimTime. Lindsey is working on an interesting project with keys and Tim raises eyebrows. Candice is making her usual tight dress with curly cables.

Ashley is still working on design still and Kelly is doing textures armour. We get a new word! Pailette! It's a small glittery piece of metal I guess?

Edmond has used mouse pads that look just like fabric but styrofoam. Tim thinks it's too safe so some upside down keys will save the day! Merline don't curr, she has an Immunity Parachute and Big Bird it is!

Joseph is working on sexay and NOT unconventional materials and since he can't do sexay anyway; he should be Worried Bear. Says Kelly.

Laurie is making a typical dress out of untypical materials, soooo. Swappy is going Strappy and wants to use muslin and when Tim calls his idea brilliant he ACTUALLY swoons. Yay! Then goes for a smoke.

 And a break. He says he's been aiming for safe and...really? WHO AIMS FOR SAFE?? Oh Swappy

Kelly from the Deli is going for something to show her sophistication while Swappy drinks more and more Coke and swans about in time for model fittings.

I love how Merline is handling the immunity parachute; she's gonna make exactly what she wants and when and if they hate it, ehhhh. That is awesome!

Joseph is having issues with his more sexy than SHOULD be dress, missing 3 inches to cover his model's behind and Swappy has his model's tatas out loud and proud, but her face covered. It's very Eyes Wide Shut that way

Ashley seems to be making a muslin crop top? Why do that? Joseph's is messed UP. Y U do that?? Looks so stupid.

I love Ashley and her work but every single interview is about her lack of confidence. Candice is right in that if Ashley DID have faith in herself, she would blow everyone out of the water. Think, right now, of how much time you spend thinking about the size of your arse, wallet or pokey bits, and think how much better that time could be spent ANYWHERE. Doing ANYTHING. Low self-esteem is for reals and robs the world of positive energy. Focus outwards and the inwards will come aboot. Says Kiernan.

Kelly from the deli has a great look but Joseph and his dangling vagina wires make me think of this!!

And Swappy sits. Honestly. How can Swappy not have won a challenge yet?? His work has been SUBLIME.


Lindsey is using CD sleeves for her inevitably boring and bunchy dress, which makes it predictable too. Joseph thinks he's done, which means he is NOT as everyone else scrambles

Model fitting time! I like Kelly's the best but she's worried about boobage freeing itself. Swappy's model is pretty much nekkid and he says he doesn't even have time to make a skirt out of anything but muslin. Except alllllllls that time you had taking breaks watching other designers work while you drank Coke and bragged about coasting.

Ashley's is so cute! Hers and Kelly's TinModel are my favourite and Swappy smokes. Again. You've got to be joking. How can anyone work like this? Does he have adult ADHD, or whatever they're calling it now? He likes Candice's, but I do NOT. Tight wiry bag o shite. Lindsey's is pretty, same as ever. Meh. Now with outdated technology.

Hair and makeup time! I see my lipgloss, woo hoo Mary Kay SAHM special! Lots of ponys and wet greasy hair, yayyy

Candice and Merline discuss dating, and I actually thought Candice was married, with a three year old son and 9 year old daughter. I think that's math in the suburbs, though, doesn't necessarily add up that way in other places. Kelly is going to marry her cat? And is just now realising how weird she is.

Runway time! Heidi has a bedazzled necklace in Aztec plus Tackorama, good thing she's such a perfect clothes hanger so I have to look to find something to make fun of. Keirnan wishes better for me.

Paula Patton and the Marie Claire suit are the extry judges, Ashley has more blue on!! Woot!

Swappy's top looks fantastic. But the muslin skirt looks like a muslin skirt, you know?

Edmond does a really cool dress with a fringe shoulder: lurve!

Lindsey's dress looks really pretty, if kind of boring.

Candice's cable dress looks VERY stiff and

I kind of like the unusual bottom of Laurie's skirt but it does look a little...mouse-pad-y.

The TinModel looks like it's going over really well with the judges, really like Kelly's look but the model is walking very carefully...

Merline's Birdman is just that and she was SO RIGHT about the hair! Slicked back and greasy was exactly the way to go

I appreciate that Joseph was pushing his sexy envelope, but...those vagina wires are NASTY and the dress is all bad. Maybe a conventional materials challenge would have been a better time to let yo freak flag fly.

Ashley's is gorgeous.

Merline, Laurie and Candice get excused for safety and I am suddenly worried aboot Swappy and Kelly from the deli, because they smile.

Edmond explains first while the judges smile...yay! He's a Top. I can't stop staring at the model's implants. Talk about technology.

Joseph thinks his is sexy and retro mod and...they hate it. He's a Bottom. But we knew that. They call out the vagina wires and hey! Me and Kiernan like the model's hair!

Swappy is immediately asked about the skirt and he blames his time management. It's a Top AND a Bottom. Zac figures this was Swappy's challenge to lose and I have to disagree. This was really more Kelly's.

Ashley's Dress of Memories is universally loved and she cries on the runway again. I worry.

Kelly from the deli whut whut! They love it, it's a Top! Zac calls it TinMan, it's like you read me! Above!

Which means Lindsey is a bottom. Pretty sure. Zac calls is a Bathroom Dress and suggests the application of Swapnil Juice. Swapnil.juice. BWAHAHAHAHA. Lindsey cries because it's like she just realised the judges don't like her boring bunchy dresses. I think they just had bigger fish to fry before and her time has come. Oh but for some Swappy Juice.

The judges feel up the models, man, for a gay dewd, Zac Posen really likes to get up in these models, hey?

Speaking of up close, Edmond's mouse pad dress doesn't do well under close scrutiny.

Swappy gets raked over the coals and a petulant Zac is dun. Tim speaks up and I think the TimGunnSave will be activated should he be on the chop.

Kelly from the deli wins yay! She struggles with confidence but isn't so up in grills about it. Goodonya lady! That was a cool dress. I liked Ashley's better, but I am cool witit.

And Swappy is safe and Tim and I breathe again. And Joseph is out. I had a feeling those vagina wires wound be a downfall. As did Candice and anyone with functional peeper(s).


  1. Candice irritated me but a lot less than some of the earlier ladies, maybe that's why I missed how annoying she was. The other cast members had a few words for her at the reunion and I hadn't realized how disliked she was. They didn't play up so much cast drama this season, it didn't seem like people where yelling at each other as much this time.

    1. She just seems really arrogant and I'm not seeing a lot of what it is based on. I know they encourage them to be catty in interviews, so I'm trying to ignore (Amanda's were breathtakingly aholish) but she just doesn't seem to GET it. Helping people who haven't asked for it. I mean