Wednesday, 25 November 2015

BRR Vanderpump Rules S4:E4 Happily Never After

Becks is away, preparing for American Thanksgiving (?), so y'all are stuck with me doing this shiteshow this week. Yaaaay right? Woo hoo! I don't have the background but I will do my best!

Can I just say?  I love the sah serious intro with all the booze flying portentously around whilst the servers try to eye hump us with BlueSteel.

Did you know Katie has a blog? Pucker and Pout? WHERE'S MAH CHEQUE?? It's beauty and hair stuff and body types fitting and all very typical. Scheana is trying to help a hookah oot but her errant hubs (5 days!!) is on her mind and she's just trying to keep her lashes on.

OtherTom comes in and they talk about Shay, and when he says that there is a stereotype when it comes to an addict and Shay just never fit it, I getit. He says happy go lucky but what he means is: fat. You never think of an addict as being chubby and I am reminded of DJ AM, who called himself the only fat crack addict in LA. In Memoriam:

Back to our chubbaddict, he's been gone for 5 days and the boys all want to help by talking to him. But nobody knows where he is and he isn't replying to anyone. Scheana pulls it out for the photo shoot and her friend and it's all very mopey but lovely.

Unbuttoned Jax's 3time schnozz is on display, just THINK how much confidence you must have to be able to rock that look. We see Lala and Jax eyehumps her while asking if it's true Mormon girls (she's from Utah?) are alls about the Hershey highway. She confirms it's all anal all the time plus awesome beejs and offers to be his Utah Chick. I can actually HEAR his pants tenting from here as he asks "Do you know what I'm into?". Wow. Jax is into anal and beejs. LIKE EVERY MAN EVER.

Lisa's there! She sends Jax back to his station and chides him for pooping where he works (but don't we all? Maybe just not where we eat. But I'm not telling her that,  she reads better than a drag queen) and reminds him of his Lingerie Brittany who already has enough Jax of the Three Noses in One Year in her life. And nothing else,  it seems.

Jax, DJiPod, Tom and OtherTom go oot for drinks and it's so adorable that Jax thinks he's looking at his past in DJiPod and not the right now. Awww. Apparently James and Kristin are in therapy to better their communication and I'm wondering where the psycho bits plus sleeping around equals poor communication. "I'm sorry, I banged Jenna because you're crazy and I was drunk" seems pretty clear to me!

Did you know Lisa has a sangria line? WHERE'S MAH CHEQUE?? Anyway, Tom and OtherTom are selling it as models? Salespeople? While James gets loaded, like all 12yos being served at a bar do, and Tom rolls his eyes while pretending he didn't have an Instafight with the bebeh 15 minutes ago.

We cut to an extremely hungover James the following morning with Kristin offering to make breakfast in dulcet tones (be 'fraid!!) and reminding him of Couples Therapy that morning. Dun dun DUN!!!

The terropist thinks there are some unhealthy things happening


I may have taken a moment to enjoy my youngest shooting me with his Ironman hands because that seems more realistic.

Awww Date Night and Peter has a girlfriend? ? He meets up with OtherTom and Katie, Tom and Ariana and reveals that Sarah, the gf that looks like a well-fed (healthy!!) Sasha Grey has a kiddo! OtherTom has the line of the night "We've never met a real grownup!  With responsibilities and everything!"

They all discuss their relashies...awww. Ariana doesn't want to get married. Or have babies.  I think she's doing the typical "I'm so not typical! I don't wanna get married! I HATE diamonds!" to set the trap.  And it should never be a trap. Sigh. Let's lighten the mood with gossip about our chubbaddict! Tom thinks Shay is feeling as though he is not providing enough lettuce to support Scheana's shoe fetish and it makes him edgy.

Side note: I don't understand Katie's outfit. A white men's shirt with a lace overlay, but it's unbuttoned under the lace and it has long sleeves and I dontgetit.

Lala and James kiss and cuddle while they discuss his awesome DJing and her totally legit singing career. WHERE'S MAH CHEQUE??

Tom and OtherTom call each other to pump each other up for the sangria photo shoot (what are you wearing? OhmigAWD me TOO!!) and did you know Lisa has a sangria line?  WHERE'S MAH CHEQUE??

Lisa's house in INSANE. I love her. But I *may* love Villa Rosa more. Tom and OtherTom are there to pitch, but they start their business meeting by gossiping about Shay. They actually ask Lisa for a job for Shay, apparently that's the answer to everything! A job in Lisa's bar. For an addict. Or a former Hooters waitress.

Meeting time! Lisa's son-in-law is hawt and an actual businessman, as opposed to OtherTom, who is the model who plays him on TV.

Tom plays up his St. Louis connections while Lisa's daughter explains that this sangria is global and St. Louis ain't no Rome. Pandora asks them for a business plan and that's decent.  Good meeting! I didn't even feel like I needed a shower after!

OtherTom and Katie head over to talk with Scheana and more Shay discussion.  In comes Tom and Ariana this an intervention?  I think it is!! I don't know why I'm 'cited. Soooo gonna need a shower after.

Oh. Shay wasn't out partying with his friends and doing drugs. He went home to his parents. We need this guy and his sympathetic mustache!!

Because Tom doesn't know addiction! None of them do! And he keeps saying helpful things like "whuuutttt?? That's CRAZY". Scheana cries and makes it about her and Al-Anon is real and can help. Meanwhile, stop making it the Scheana Show and let the man TALK. He does say he's staying and everyone cheers.

Jax brings Brittany for Interview #2; she still doesn't bring in her resume and Jax thinks her looks are enough. Jax knows Lisa isn't Steve Hirsch, right?  She is adorable but Lisa is not impressed with her showing up in her underwear AGAIN and she declines to have the former Hooters waitress class up her joint.

Shay and Scheana have a very painful dinner; her bringing up their lack of dining room table is like a giant "YOU MAKE NO MONEY" red flag but she is oblivious.  He does try to discuss why he left and the kind of life he has to lead: clean and sober and Scheana just She keeps talking over top of him and making it about her and her needs and I'm finding it difficult to snark the cluelessness.

She actually interviews that she can't ever see herself with someone sober becuz: friends. She is literally choosing partying with her friends over helping her husband beat his addiction. She does not understand addiction at ALL or clearly marriage; she thinks he can just sip. And she will do random drug testing. So sad right now. Their marriage is in so much trouble and it's been less than a year.

Lisa meets Scheana meet for lunch and tries to help, but Scheana is still in denial as to what actually has to be done to help Shay.  Scheana doesn't want him to go to rehab and will handle it inhouse and...YEAH. Lisa and I know better but I'm sadder about it. Lisa is stone.cold

And we owt! Becks and her OSSUM recaps will be back next week!


  1. I feel for Scheana but I also couldn't help but laugh when he said he takes up to 5 pills a day. 5! They make you take more when you get your wisdom teeth out. Now, popping pills everyday when you don't need to isn't exactly healthy but its hardly the life threatening addiction these drama queens are making it out to be.

    I can't wait to watch Kristen and James explode. It makes me happy when she cries.

    1. I was wondering what pills they were talking about! Same thing! 5 pills? Were they really BIG pills?

    2. Didn't he say it was vicodin? Maybe it's because I watch too much intervention but call me when he's shooting up 20 different pills a day.

    3. Oh my bad, that makes sense! What didja think of the fact that Scheana made it out to be a really terrible thing that he wanted his fambly when upset?

    4. I think we need to write Good Housekeeping, becuz I don't see This Marriage Being Saved

    5. He's rockin' on the horse sized pills #dandywarholsref #seewhatididthere....

    6. I haven't heard the Dandy Warhols in FOREVER!

  2. Bwahahahaaa "WHERE'S MA CHEQUE!" that is G-to-the-O.L.D!

    1. Thanks TTM for covering me! Imma stressing out right now coz my produce delivery is late! When I outsource to save time they better BE on time!

    2. That's not okay, Becks! I hate it when people screw up a dinner schedule! And no worries, it went surprisingly fast! I just wish I had a "We were totally boning" gif!

  3. Blue Steel? Are we talking eye colour?

    He just up and disappeared for 5 days?

    Utah, huh? The more ya know... I'm into sunsets and long walks on the beach

    You mean you don't have a sangria line?

    Boy. Couples therapy sounds about as fun as a fish hook in the eye.

    Sober people are BORING! I keed. I keed

    Man. There is just not a whole lot to like about these people. I am sure there is some amping up of behavior for show purposes, but still...

    1. Maybe I'll start a sangria line to go with my super fun blog about bobby pins and my totally legit singing career! I just need MAH CHEQUE!