Friday, 27 November 2015

Happy Birthday Wigs!

It's Kristin's birthday week, and I would like to air out some dirty laundry, if I may.  She was not a person to let people know her business or celebrate her birthday specifically online, so I'm not posting this on her birthday, just during the week.

Wigs was one of my very best friends online, she left CDaN after being attacked for defending me against a group we had been a part of, although her just tangentially. Besides being the very most supportive and loyal friend, she was also hilarious and smart as hayull, which is why I tracked her down and made her email me in the frist place.  I will say that had I not been part of that group that I eventually parted ways with in such a spectacularly bad fashion, I wouldn't have ever thought to reach out to another commenter like that.

Anyway, the beginning days at Bookie were very chaotic. I relied heavily on a lot of support from Wigs, Cocoa, Steamy and Charlie. Being part of that other group had also taught me a deep mistrust and fear of being exposed and lied to and while I was trying to keep all the Bookies safe, I don't know that I was doing all that well with my own self.

I had to do a minor shutdown for a commenter that felt unsafe and then finally cracked myself and had to shut down for two weeks to scrub out at the end of November. All the Bookies were very supportive, none more so than Wigs, who kept in contact and worried over details with me. I felt very lucky to have that understanding. 

When I re-opened, I had to start the process of re-adding authors; again, a very angsty process given my deep seated trust issues gained by the ongoing online attacks I'd been hit with. Bookie became less open,  more about scheduled watches and events and less about visiting. I felt that sharing too much information online would be dangerous for the Bookies and that wasn't my call to make.

Right around that time was the end of Wigs' and my friendship.  There was a new commenter that had been posting here and there, under the guise of a new commenter looking to join,  but really a regular CDaN commenter and former/current group member pumping for information and looking to promote the new CDaN companion website they had launched. 

While I side-eyed Max Power along with everyone else, I tend to err on the side of belief in others if I can and added them to my email distribution list for upcoming events. However, I had stopped reading CDaN quite some time before (with lots of flouncing and everything) and didn't realise that Sherry, a former online friend, was posting about fooling everyone on Bookie with her posts as Max Power.  Now. I didn't see the posts on CDaN, but other people did and the decision was made to not tell me, as I was on winter break with my kiddos.

Have I mentioned my trust issues?

I continued emailing Max Power/Sherry until someone mentioned the CDaN posts, and well. I was upset.  I was upset with Wigs. Mostly,  though, I was mad at Max Power/Sherry, and I considered it a huge betrayal that someone I had genuinely considered a cool person and good friend would do that.  

And here is where I made the Big wrong choice: I went on Bookie and I vaguebooked about feeling betrayed and wah wah wah poor me all I ever did was try to defend myself wah wah. Not my finest hour. HOWEVER.  It never occurred to me that Wigs would think that was about her. NEVER. I found that out almost a year later, and to be honest, I don't even know for sure if that is what it was.

It was about Max Power / Sherry and as melodrama goes, it wasn't unusual for me. I always tried to balance sharing my feelings with sharing information about other people, even people from that group that I left in such a horrifically bad fashion. What that left were carefully worded nothings that, if you were a friend, you understood was me processing out loud, and if foe, was me being an asshole.

That decision to vaguebook and reception of that post divided our group. It poisoned some members in a way that made every decision after seem weighted and people trickled away. I've no doubt that Bookie would have eventually slowed anyway, I mean. Who has time to be online all day? I can't even imagine how I spent every waking moment at CDaN before OR Bookie,  but that bad blood simmered underneath and wrecked some of the positive things that our group had come to mean.

As most apologies seem to be more for the apologizer and not the apologizee, this one is no exception.  I wanted to clear the air, for me anyway; I've found that the only antidote for vaguebooking is exhaustive detail posting and this brings it full circle to close.

I wish nothing but the best for Bookies who have left: Cocoa, GossipMonster, TNC, but especially Wigs, who is celebrating a birthday this week and didn't deserve to think a friend would post about her like that.

Peace oot.

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