I hear this is subtitled "Or Everyone Hates on Candice For An Hour", but I c'ain't say for sure just yet! Lessee!
We start with Ashley, acourse, congrats lady woo woo!!
She says she has grown as a person and feels more confident and Tim hits her with the hard questions right out the gate. She does think creating a plus size line could have been a factor in her win, thanks Tim, but doesn't think that made the big deal. Candice opines that it was a giant factor but Swappy says fcukthatshite, it was a gorgeous line big OR small. I agree.
Kelly's bad reviews from Nina are brought up and she says she'd rather have bad reviews to learn from than having smoke blown up her arse. Tim suggests she blow the smoke back up their arses and I think we've gotten lost in the motivational metaphor. I've never heard of a smoke-bum-blowing reciprocation situation but then I'm not a fashion designer.
We get to review Kelly & Nina's fraught relashie; from clownish and "I'm ready to send her home" to "Hallelujah! You have plenty of ideas ...and this looks fantastic" and everyone cries.
Edmond's constant auditioning is brought up, sure! Let's talk about how many times he tried to get on the show and then STILL wasn't good enough to win! You guys are a bunch of fargin iceholes. They do talk about his "mystery"; hiding his looks and design, so as not to inspire anyone else. Pfft
They all laugh at him but really; I find that concerning.
Candice and her "drive" are talked about once she starts talking...all the designers in the back get up and refresh their drinkies. They seriously do all hate Candice. She has no clue, still yakkin on about her drive and vision and strong woman and blah blah. She talks too much, and well, when that's coming from me...
Hashtag Merline is definitely on the spectrum. Her own sparkly spectrum. Her constant singing and out loud hashtagging comes up and it's only Laurie that spoke up to her face, but I think everyone came to love and embrace their Merline.
Now Swappy...Tim is clearly still upset about Swappy's work ethic, or lack therof. He calls Swappy charming and affable, which cannot be a compliment. Swappy apparently held Tim in the highest regard and Tim's disgust dismays him. BIG PILE OF STEAMING BULLSHITE. There is only one person Swappy cares about on this show and it's SWAPPY. So disingenuous. His coast and win strategy is replayed for everyone; they mad. I'm just over it. To have the talent but not the work ethic; he's the Amare Stoudemire of designing. If you get that, I lurve you. Swappy blah blah stroke my ego blah pfft blah feck off blah blah.
Now the early departures are brought out NOW the fur flies! Puppetmaster Joseph swears on the Bravo Bible it was editing! Editing!! It's so funny how editing puts all these bad words in people's mouths...I know they CAN do that, but I'm pretty sure they DIDN'T here. Roll tape! You sucked arse, Joe. Even Candice defends the editing and Joseph rolls his eyes.
Princess Blakey's scorching racism is brought up. Now, telling an English-speaking Swappy he doesn't understand Indian is rude, but is it racist? Swappy's accent is quite thick and that beautiful sing-song that you hear in several of the East Asian languages, and I've had to ask for repeating before, but I have to wonder if Blake was just attention trolling. Like when he couldn't tell time. Or know sports. Or where the bagina is located on the female body. And I'm pretty sure he meant mons pubis that time, because I don't know that a lot of clothes are designed around birth canals. Candice says he's full of shit, so then he must be defended by everyone who hates Candice. Team sports are EXHAUSTING!!
Paintball Challenge revisit! You remember, when nobody picked Ashley, even though she'd won 2 of 3 challenges at that point and ToxicAmanda was chosen first, even though she bottomed on those challenges? That one! Oh snap! Let's go to the clip! Kelly says she wasn't a Mean Girl and why didn't the boys pick Ashley anyway?? Joseph says they'd already decided to go Bros before Hoes if a team challenge came up, which confuses Edmond, who was on a smoke break and missed alla dat. Then fighting. Sigh. Ashley's too emotional!! Says Candice, and blah blah Blake calls her specifically out and BWAHAHAHA when Candice says "you mean me", with regard to who was bringing Ashley down, and Blake says "oh, okay, if you want to put the spotlight on you" and HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA
Tim says nobody did that intentionally and Lindsay calls out ASHLEY for what BLAKE said and this is exactly what was making Ashley so emotional. I can't even say how disappointed I am in Kelly for blaming Ashley for being called a Mean Girl. Don't do no mean girling, won't be no mean girl calling, biatch.
They move on to Edmond and the fight with Angry Asian who's name I have no chance of spelling. They laugh awkwardly then and now; communication was LACKING. Oh, Yang! That's her last name! That's what I used before! Yang has no communication style at all.
Everybody cries!! Weepy tape! And not just Ashley! Swappy blames all the tears on being Creative People while Yang and Blake cuddle and pound champs.
Favourite looks! Blake loved his winning look for the Mary Kay challenge
Daveed loved Ashley's first winning look
Lindsay loved Daveed's first look and blah blah blah herk
Swappy loved Duncan's first and ONLY look, which everyone but the judges dug
Gabrielle's perfectionism is brought up and I don't really remember that but hey! Sure! She says they're all used to being the best around and that is for sure for sure true. Big leagues, peeps! And so much pressure! Top 16 is no joke, Dunc.
Mary Kay is looking for a few more seconds of air time and they buy it through giving Kelly a $25,000 cash prize for winning the most challenges. Yaaaay. Whatevs Mean Girl. You c'ain't cry po any mo, Kelly from the deli.
Wrapups! Everyone gives their own captions of truth, or the last season in just a few words; like flash captions!
Kelly: be yourself
Ashley: a rollercoaster of emotion
Amanda: blah blah amazing blah amazing feck her
Yang: be who you are. Be a happy nut!
Edmond: a dream come true
Candice: yeah. Ditto
Tim: it was a wild experience full of laughter and tears and emotions, certainly and a lot of fun.
Yay fans! And we're all done. They never really talked about how much everyone CLEARLY hated Candice, maybe she'll watch at home and I hope she shakes it off. Cause haters gonna hate hate hate, hate hate. And embracing anyone else's negative opinion of yourself never helped NOBODY. Constructive criticism is one thing, being a bunch of negative aholes dogpiling on a wordy betch is another. Peace!