Sunday, 3 January 2016

BRR American Horror Story: Hotel S5:E6 Room 33


We open in a flashback with Gaga coming out of a cab. It is L.A., 1926.  She’s Mrs. Johnson and she’s visiting The Murder House doctor from Season one! 
She says she’s three weeks pregnant, but she looks eight months.  Doc takes her back and starts the procedure.  The nurse notes her temp is only 75, the doc scoffs.  While under, Doc “delivers” the baby.  It’s still alive and the nurse screams.  Gaga wakes up with the Doc saying “Congratulations, it’s a boy.”  She gazes lovingly at it.

Sad Cop  awakens to Holden saying “Hi Daddy” in his bed, then he takes off running.  He follows him to the pool coffins and sees Alex in there.  He faints.  Of course he does.

Ummmmm, wait, WHAT?  LIZ T and Tristan are having the sex!  They talk and banter easily after.  Turns out, Tristan LOVES Liz, and they are very happy together.   Didn’t see that coming.  Random!  They both say they’re not gay, that Liz is a hetero woman. “When we screw, I’ve never come harder,” they giggle together.  Liz then admits he does love him, but he cries saying, The Countess, Gaga, will never allow it. 

Meanwhile, Gaga is trying to have the secks with Drake, who loses his “vibe” when she heads downtown.  He says it’s always that way with women.   Tristan walks in and she demands that he be her Fluffer.  He doesn’t want to, but she ain’t having it.  “Just fluff him up for me.  I’ll finish him off.”

Alex tells Liz that Sad Cop found the coffins and needs his help.  He sends her to a cleaning closet to help her get rid of the coffins.  Alex wakes Sad Cop and tells him he called her, telling her he was having visions.  He’s confused, telling her no, he saw Holden and the old pool.  She insists he’s cracked his melon and he takes her down to the now completely empty old pool.

Gaga enters room 33 to see her wee babeh, “Hello my love” saying goodbye to him; she’s going to Paris for money and not to worry about anything anymore.

In walks Ramona Royale and Ex Boy Toy into the Cortez like they own the place.  Ramona’s ready to kill the blonde kidlets, but Ex isn’t feeling murdering babies.  He’d rather trash his exes’ penthouse.  “Fine.  sniff her panties, I’ll take care of this myself.”   She and Iris both wonder where the hell the coffins went when they arrive at the empty pool.  Ramona tells Iris to find the kids.

Ex boy ACTUALLY DOES sniff Gaga’s panties once in her room!  Hahaha.  Then the Swedish tourists walk in.  He explains that they can’t ever leave when they complain.  “How hard is it to get some goddamn kale around here!?” last episode's murdered Darren Criss rages in a split scene, apparently also stuck.   Ex tells the girls of Kara the teacher that killed herself there until one day she found a purpose.  She kills some random guy.  He tells them you don’t get to leave, but you do get a reprieve from the hamster wheel.

Ramona goes into devil babeh’s room and calls him, “Come on love bug, it’s Auntie Ramona.” Bartholomew is his name, haha.  He scratches her and she says she has a surprise for him.

Liz tells Alex to find Bartholomew, who’s gone missing and then tells Ramona she has to leave because he’s in love for the first time ever and doesn’t want any upsets.  She tells Liz to run with Tristan if he really loves him, but poor trusting Liz thinks Gaga will understand and let him have him.  Sure.  That’ll happen, Liz
The Swedes try to find a purpose by sexing up and then murdering a business guy tourist.  It doesn’t find their purpose and after they cry and tell Alex when she finds them.  Alex tells them to break the men’s minds instead of killing them.  And she knows a guy that’s always wanted two girls.  Uh huh.  Sad Cop, I bet.

Sad Cop is at his ex-partner’s new murder scene and it looks like another Ten Commandments theme.  It’s in a church and it’s “Though Shall Not Take the Lord’s Name in Vain”.   The preacher is gutted and strung up with his arms out like a crucifix.  Ex parnter says, go away ya nutter !


Liz finds Sad Cop drunk again in the lobby and tries to help him to bed.  Sad cop hollers he’s gonna have his breakdown, leave him be!  The Swedes walk up and this is the bloodiest threesome yet!  Blood errywhere!  Wheeeee!  Okay Ryan M, we get it.  Girls are icky and have periods!  Sad Cop walks up to Liz covered in blood after and Liz asks, “How’s that breakdown working?” 

Miss Evers is back in Sad’s room saying “This much blood will take three washings.  The sheets will lose their pile.” Haha.  The Swedes giggle frim the side and Sad hollers for them all to GET OUT OF MAH ROOM!  Seeing March makes him go batshit entirely and he starts packing, heading to his home and Scarlett.  Uh, thank God they mentioned a grandma.  Sheese.  Poor kid.  “Do you know how embarrassing it is when your friend asks you what time you’re going home and your mom doesn’t answer her phone?”  She’s royally and rightly pissed at mom and dad.  She cries on her bed and he tries to soothe her, but she sees his bloody shirt and it freaks her out even more.  Dumb ass carrying it around.  Oh Lord.  Bartholomew is loose and now Sad Cop is shooting in the house!  Scarlett LOOSES IT and screeches, “STAY AWAY FROM ME STAY AWAY FROM ME” Werd girl.  Werd.

Well apparently Gaga’s plan is working.  Drake is falling for her hard after their Paris trip.  Liz walks in to talk to Gaga about Tristan.  At first she thinks he wants gender reassignment and offers to pay. He says “Oh, never that. “  “It’s Tristan.”  “I don’t share.  Maybe when I’m done.”  Liz tells her time moves for him and they only get one great love, so can’t she please just let him have him?  After all, Tristan is just a passing fancy.  She sends for Tristan.  Uh oh. 

Sad cop calls for Alex, he knows she’s back at the hotel when she won’t stay at the house and when she denies it he calls her out.  Looks like she finds Bartholomew in the bushes though.  Bonus!

Tristan arrives and gaga acts sweet and generous, mixing drinks.  She says she knows human’s feel differently than her but betrayal is the worst.  Liz has bigger balls than Tristan for telling her the truth.  Tristan spits out an angry, sad tirade at her about how she will just use him dry and throw him away, knowing he’s dumb.  Liz begs please, after everything he’s done let him have this one!  She agrees and of course, slashes his throat!  Saw that coming.  I guess Mamma creator can kill her creations any which way she wants, silver bullet be damned.  “He’s yours. Bury him.”  Liz is devastated.

Off The Countess walks, gliding into room 33. She finds Alex holding baby Bartholomew, rocking him.  She tells her she found him when she asks if he was missing and Gaga tells her she saved her son.   “You saved mine.”  Alex hands baby Bart to her.  End scene with a flash Bart’s messed up face.  This was a good episode.  Let's keep it up!


  1. That





    Also, HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA panty sniffers!!!

    I thought I commented on this already, I'm losing my mind, Reno! Great job as always!

    1. Love how he actually panty-sniffed! BAHAHA

      Thanks, lady!

  2. So it's Wes with the jacked teef! Nice detective work Reno!

    1. Quietly relieved it's not my Mr Bomer

    2. Yep! I can now tell everybody apart! Phew.